Scheels All Sports To Turn Into Amusement Park. Will Sell Sporting Goods On The Side.

April 12th, 2012 | by Bill Burns

Scheels All Sports FargoFargo, ND – Scheels All Sports, the Behemoth of the Midwest, will transform it’s enormous and very popular sports store in Fargo into an amusement park the FM Observer has learned.  Scheels is known for its wide variety of sporting goods stores around the Midwest as well as its ever so popular ferris wheel located in the Fargo store.  With the economy still down and people finally realizing they can buy the same low quality shit cheaper online, Scheels has been struggling to keep the doors open.  What hasn’t been suffering is the ferris wheel as seen immediately upon walking into the Fargo store.  In fact, it’s the only thing keeping this store from going under.

Ferris wheel ride sales have soared and beat actual sporting goods sales 100 to 1.  Because of this, Scheels has decided to transform this mansion of an overpriced sporting goods store into a small amusement park.  Among the plans of installing a larger ferris wheel, water ride, and enormous gravity wheel, there will still be sporting goods available to purchase randomly throughout the amusement park.  Sporting goods such as deer piss, camouflage clothing, and night vision goggles.  Apparently this is hunting gear and not some perverted equipment deer fuckers would use to throw a ‘WILD’ party.

This is tough for the economy and tough for Fargo.  Although people will no longer be raped by buying overpriced items, at least bobby the crooked back alien baby with a hideous face, will be able to ride his ferris wheel on Sundays and pick up some deer piss on the way out the door.


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.