Tag Archives: alternative

Creative Ways To Decline An Offer (Besides Just Saying No)

If just saying NO doesn’t work, try one of these negative phrases:

West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer recently brought in two excellent professional life coaches to instruct our entire staff on how to say “NO” in a number of different ways.

Let’s face it, there are many times you’re asked if you’d want to volunteer for a committee, or buy a coupon booklet, or get involved in some weekly activity. At the time, you know you should decline, but for some reason you say YES (and later regret it).

Certified Life Coaches Sonja Yust and Tony Jauss (who headquarter out of New Orleans, or NO-town) had us practice saying a number of useful phrases that can be used when trying to decline an offer when someone is asking you to do something you’d really rather not agree to.

After first responding by saying “Why do you ask?” then use any of these cleverly designed phrases as an alternative to just saying NO:

⦿ What part of “Nyet” don’t you understand?
⦿ This is not part of my agenda for this decade.
⦿ All signs are pointing toward non-concurrence.
⦿ My jurisdiction doesn’t cover this type of fiasco.
⦿ Thanks for asking, and for never bringing it up again.
⦿ I can commit to not committing to your misguided plans.
⦿ I gave up doing things that make me want to kill myself.
⦿ Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you in 20 years.
⦿ This idea is more undesirable to me than nude ice fishing.
⦿ Unfortunately, I don’t see this as being on my Vision Board.
⦿ I am currently not in the market to buy what you’re selling.
⦿ There are more gullible people you should discuss this with.
⦿ You seem to be barking up the wrong tree at the wrong time.
⦿ Your presentation is not falling into any common sense category.
⦿ You should rethink this idea until it starts to make some sense.
⦿ My news years resolution was to avoid stupid ideas like this one.
⦿ I would rather remove my own gallbladder with a rusty pitchfork.
⦿ Life is too short to pursue things like this that seem to totally suck.
⦿ I’ll consider your idea after the Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl.
⦿ This is the exit point at which I plan on disembarking this train to hell.
⦿ There are worse things I could agree to but I can’t think of any right now.
⦿ Sorry. That’s the day of my grandmother’s soccer game, and I never miss those!

⦾ Ironically, all of the letters in both “Sonja Yust” and “Tony Jauss” can easily be re-arranged to: “Just Say No!”

First Visionary Church Offers Portal To God

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Pastor Leary says that people today are looking for a new kind of church experience.

Fargo, ND – An alternative church is being started in the Fargo-Moorhead area. Members of the new First Visionary Church will strongly be encouraged to use psychedelic drugs to get closer to God. Pastor Tim Leary believes this is what many people are seeking today.

Pastor Leary says the whole concept is based on a wealth of knowledge gleaned from native American Indian religious practices. “By opening a direct mind-portal to God, you can then generate authentic visions from your own personal God experiences”, preaches Pastor Leary.

“Through carefully controlled usage of psychoactive substances such as mescaline, peyote, and psilocybin mushrooms, our church members can find what they’re looking for and then come back to share their personal revelations in the fellowship hall with some hot coffee and cookies”, he explains.

Interestingly, the freedom of religion clause in the U.S. constitution allows church congregations to use drugs that would normally be against federal law, as long as it is done “as part of an actual worship service or other legitimate church activity”.

If you would like more information about First Visionary Church or are interested in becoming a charter member, please call 1-800-MUSHROOM and ask for Pastor Tim Leary, who says: “If you like listening to Pink Floyd, you will love this church!”