utilities: not included

Fargo, ND—An area man is allegedly subletting his creaky back yard tree fort.

Neighbors are saying they’ve noticed something crawl into and out of a tree house in the back yard of South Fargo resident Sheshy Tisslancer. “I seen somethin’ back there. Ain’t sure what, but it’s either a 200-pound raccoon or a gawd-damn homus erectus,” exclaimed neighboring resident Puter Naldow.

“Sheshy’s been keeping someone up in that tree house, i’m almost positive,” said backyard neighbor Pavia Hobbernathy. “Lot of rustling going on up there that I don’t think a squirrel family would cause.”

When asked about what’s really going on in his tree house, Tisslancer stayed tight-lipped. “Nothin’, honey.”

A simple tree fort as one’s primary residence would contradict a number of FM Housing Authority bylaws. As of press time, the FMHA has not been formally notified of any violations. Stay glued to the FM Observer for updates.