Top 10 Signs 2016 Might Be A Bad Year For You

January 1st, 2016 | by Johnnny
And you thought 2015 was bad!

And you thought 2015 was bad!

Badlands, ND – Even though 2016 could be a very good year, here are some indications that 2016 might not be so great for you:

10. You wake up with a hangover on January 1st to the sound of jail doors slamming shut.

9. You slowly figure out that that very last text you sent last night to your BFF affectionately saying “Happy Fucking New Year!” somehow got sent to everyone in your contact list.

8. You dream you’ve been hacked only to wake up to realize that everything you own has been encrypted.

7. You take your little Shih-Tzu for a walk and realize it’s not your little Shih-Tzu.

6. You see a murder of crows quietly sitting on your deck railing, each with a sign around their necks saying “You’re Next.”

5. A large cash-on-delivery package arrives at your front door and the guy is asking for $1,480 for what’s inside Box #1!

4. After a nice, long, phone conversation with your parents, you remember they both passed away back in the 90s.

3. You see a security camera picture of yourself on the local evening news asking to immediately call the police if you see this very dangerous armed person.

2. You take your entire family to see Star Wars and realize too late you’ve mistakenly gone to see Star Whores.

1. Hillary’s Clinton is leading Donald’s Trump in the latest likely-voter polls!


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.