Tag Archives: new year

FM Observer’s Reader’s New Year’s Resolutions

Nunc Coepi = Now I Begin

West Fargo, ND – We recently met face-to-face with some of our faithful readers at a local alcoholic establishment to compile a list of all their top New Year resolutions.

So, in case you have not made your New Year’s resolutions yet, or just need some more good ideas, here are the FM Observer’s reader’s Top Ten list of New Year’s resolutions for the new year for you:

Change all passwords to extremely long ones.
Finish Christmas shopping by 4th of July.
Continue to volunteer at soup kitchens.
Dye hair silver to get more respect.
Purge all Minnesota Vikings stuff.
Start exercising in February.
Join a Ping Pong league.
Start clipping coupons.
Get a smarter phone.
Take more napsters.
Drink more beer.
Fight for peace.
Gain 16 pounds.

First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo

Carson Wentz Fenster was born at 12:01 AM and is said to be resting comfortably while watching Carson Wentz play football on TV.

Fargo, ND – The first newborn baby to be born in Fargo after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve was born to Erron and Martine Fenster of rural Fargo.

The happy couple, who each have a number of tattoos, not only decided to name their boy Carson Wentz Fenster but had “Carson Wentz” tattooed on the boy’s right forearm shortly after he was born.

“We hope he will grow up to be a star quarterback in the NFL just like his namesake,” yearned Erron Fenster wishfully.

“When he gets a little older, perhaps at age one or two, we might consider giving him the option of getting a Bison or Philadelphia Eagles logo tattoo wherever he wants,” shared Martine Fenster excitedly.

But for now, young Carson Wentz Fenster and his proud parents will just sit back in their hospital room and enjoy watching the real Carson Wentz and the Eagles kick the Dallas Cowboy’s butts and also enjoy cheering on the unpredictable Minnesota Vikings as they hopefully shellack the visiting grizzly Chicago Bears.

FMO’s Award-Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season

Ho Ho Holidays! Enjoy our list of fun things to do with those who love you.

North Pole, ND – We are very proud to present FMO’s award-winning list of fun, helpful, creative, and productive things to do during the sometimes-stressful Christmas holiday season.

When the days are short and the nights are long, tis fun to play a game or perhaps sing a song.

Each of the following ideas of fun things to do during The Holidaze is a clickable hyperlink in case you want more information on that subject.

Items on this award-winning and comprehensive list are presented in no particular order and are a 100% free service to our beloved readers, at no charge to you (other than the normal monthly “Zuckerberg” service fee that we already automatically take out of your FMO account).

Buy some Hatchimals for a fun Christmas surprise.
Decorate by wrapping framed pictures.
Bake home-made cookies to use as real money.
Play the new hit game called Add-On Swear Word.
Have an eggnog drinking contest.
Start working on your New Years Resolutions!
Light a special candle for World Peace.
Take time to review your own personal Bucket List.
Write your own wrap song and wrap it to a steady beat.
Get outdoors by playing some winter paintball.
Write and send a letter to Santa.
Learn how to make a quilt.
Engage in some kangaroo boxing.
Take the family to McDonald’s to try their two newest sandwiches.
Get out and take in some local singing groups.
Order a drone-delivered pizza.
Take the entire family to go bowling!
Check out Moorhead’s famous haunted house.
Attend an alternative church service.
Play the bean bag toss game indoors.
Take in one of the many free church organ concerts.
Go downhill skiing at Detroit Mountain.
Check out the UFOs in the Sabin area.
Go get a free burger during the midnight hour.
Check out the new animals at the local zoo.
Attend the Parade of Hoarder Homes.
Read “Toxic Santa’s Revenge” out-loud to your whole family.
Sign up for FMO’s world tour.
Order Heineken delivered directly to your front door.
Win a free robot!
Consider joining PolyPax and turn your life around.
Join a community bongo band.
Take your loved ones out for all-you-can-eat pancakes.
Take a ride with Uber Jet.
Host your own Bitch Fest 3000 event!
Check yourself. Take our Sanity Test.
Visit a real upside-down house!
Try mushroom therapy with your pets.
Make sure all your shots are up-to-date.
Avoid a possible DUI by riding on the free Party Bus.
Learn how to play banjo from the best.
Make some easy money by starting a Cricket Farm.
Practice up for Fargo’s new Ping Pong teams.
Have fabulous family fun at Fargo’s new theme park.
Write some 5-7-5 syllable Haiku poems.
Gather money from penny trays for the homeless.
Take an indoor golf lesson from our pro Wade Lancer.
Try an new downtown restaurant which we recently reviewed for you.
Get a family photo professionally taken in downtown Moorhead.
Suggest the idea of having your very own snack-a-thon.
Help police look for the person who stole the Roger Maris memorabilia.
Request a free beer at any participating establishment.
Enjoy listening to The Rolling Stones new CD: Sympathy For Dementia
Gather round and play the new game: What Is A Leppo?
Visit the public library and listen to the visiting Stephen King read a book.
Visit our FMO headquarters for a Meet-and-Greet with Carson Wentz.
Check out all the classes offered at the area’s new Meta-University.
Go play Whack-A-Mole!
Win free tickets here to see Norway’s version of Madonna!
Check out upcoming destinations of the Gawk Tour Bus.
Send this free online Christmas card to anyone with whom you share love.

Top Ten Signs 2018 Might Be A Bad Year For You

And you thought 2017 was bad!

And you thought 2017 was bad!

Badlands, ND – Even though 2018 could be a very good year, here are some indications that 2018 might not be so great for you:

10. You wake up with a hangover on January 1st to the sound of jail doors slamming shut.

9. You slowly figure out that that very last text you sent last night to your BFF affectionately saying “Happy Fucking New Year!” somehow got sent to everyone in your contact list.

8. You dream you’ve been hacked only to wake up to realize that everything you own has been encrypted.

7. You take your little Shih-Tzu for a walk and realize it’s not your little Shih-Tzu.

6. You see a murder of crows quietly sitting on your deck railing, each with a sign around their necks saying “You’re Next.”

5. A large cash-on-delivery package arrives at your front door and the guy is asking for $1,480 for what’s inside Box #1!

4. After a nice, long, phone conversation with your parents, you remember they both passed away back in the 90s.

3. You see a security camera picture of yourself on the local evening news asking to immediately call the police if you see this very dangerous armed person.

2. You take your entire family to see Star Wars and realize too late you’ve mistakenly gone to see Star Whores.

1. Algore now believes we are at the start of a 10,000-year Ice Age!

Chinese New Year: Year Of The Sheep

Year of the Sheep

Year of the Sheep

Chinatown, USA – This February 19 begins the Chinese New Year which coincides with the New Moon (or as some call it: No Moon).

It will be the Year of the Sheep, Goat, or Ram and will go from Feb. 19, 2015 to Feb. 7, 2016.

The Sheep is known for being nurturing, loving, and accepting. The Year of the Sheep is a good time for expressing creativity and cultivating beauty.

For the new year, many take this opportunity to cleanse the house, symbolically sweep away all ill-fortune, and make room for good in-coming luck.

On this special occasion, common greetings include: “May your happiness be without limit” and “May you realize your ambitions”.

For this special occasion, the FM Observer has compiled a list of some of our favorite Chinese proverbs. Happy New Year!

Let the one who tied the bell on the tiger take it off.
Every advantage has its disadvantages.
A lifetime of cleverness can be ruined by a moment of stupidity.
A single slip may cause lasting sorrow.
One careless move and the whole game is lost.
You can reach the same destination by different roads.
Don’t fish in troubled waters.
Every single step leaves its print.
To say you don’t know is the beginning of knowing.
A small leak will sink a great ship.
Don’t drain the pond to get all the fish.
If you don’t want others to know about it, then don’t do it.
Control your emotion, or it will control you.
If you run after two hares, you will catch neither.
You never know how hard a task is until you’ve done it yourself.
The highest tower begins from the ground.
Well begun is half done.
The greatest joy in life is the fruit of one’s own labor.
No one is wise at all times.
A wise person is always a good listener.
Rumors stop at the wise person.
Be mindful of possible danger in times of peace.
Out of debt, out of danger.
You are not beaten until you give up.
There are bad ones among good people and good ones among bad people.
Rather go without than have something of poor quality.
Sometimes the best gain is to lose.
Take the whole into consideration, but do the job bit by bit.
Correct the mistake if you have made any and guard against it if you have not.
What cannot be cured must be endured.
Learn from others’ strength to offset one’s weaknesses.
You cannot stand on two boats and sail.
Learning is like rowing upstream, not to advance is to drop back.
Here today, gone tomorrow.
A man who makes a promise easily is apt to forget it.
A good neighbor is better than a relative afar.
An eye for an eye, and we will all go blind.
A loss may turn out to be a gain.
Nothing comes of nothing.
One hour today is worth two hours tomorrow.
The water that bears the boat can also swallow it up.
A happy wife is the key to a happy family and home life.
At birth we bring nothing with us, at death we take nothing away.