Carson Wentz Fenster was born at 12:01 AM and is said to be resting comfortably while watching Carson Wentz play football on TV.
Fargo, ND – The first newborn baby to be born in Fargo after the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve was born to Erron and Martine Fenster of rural Fargo.
The happy couple, who each have a number of tattoos, not only decided to name their boy Carson Wentz Fenster but had “Carson Wentz” tattooed on the boy’s right forearm shortly after he was born.
“We hope he will grow up to be a star quarterback in the NFL just like his namesake,” yearned Erron Fenster wishfully.
“When he gets a little older, perhaps at age one or two, we might consider giving him the option of getting a Bison or Philadelphia Eagles logo tattoo wherever he wants,” shared Martine Fenster excitedly.
But for now, young Carson Wentz Fenster and his proud parents will just sit back in their hospital room and enjoy watching the real Carson Wentz and the Eagles kick the Dallas Cowboy’s butts and also enjoy cheering on the unpredictable Minnesota Vikings as they hopefully shellack the visiting grizzly Chicago Bears.
Fargo, ND – In a story that has the scientific community completely baffled, Gary “Gum Gum” Jackson, a full-grown 28 year old man, decided to finally move out of his mothers womb.
It’s been 28 long, relaxing years but Gary has decided it’s time to fly the utero. Gary has been freeloading it inside his mothers womb for a loooong time. He has had a relaxing, stress free life. Living expenses have been virtually nonexistent and he didn’t have to pay for food what with that umbilical cord channeling it directly into him and all. Mom’s giant hoop earrings even beamed a picture-perfect DirecTV satellite feed onto that giant chasm of a uterine wall. The only inconvenience he had was his dad’s (or thought was his dad’s) penis jabbing at him every now and then. That is a small price to pay for this kind of lifestyle.
The other day, ol’ Gum Gum decided he’d had enough and slithered out of that mushy crevice and into functioning society. With a shivery cry, Gum Gum was officially born unto the world. Gary doesn’t know what his future holds but said he has moved into his parent’s basement and plans to stay there for quite some time. When asked what he won’t change now that he’s out, he replied, “Nude. I’m going to stay completely nude.”