Child Moves Out After 28 Years–In the Womb!

October 23rd, 2012 | by Bill Burns

Fargo, ND – In a story that has the scientific community completely baffled, Gary “Gum Gum” Jackson, a full-grown 28 year old man, decided to finally move out of his mothers womb.

It’s been 28 long, relaxing years but Gary has decided it’s time to fly the utero.  Gary has been freeloading it inside his mothers womb for a loooong time.  He has had a relaxing, stress free life.  Living expenses have been virtually nonexistent and he didn’t have to pay for food what with that umbilical cord channeling it directly into him and all. Mom’s giant hoop earrings even beamed a picture-perfect DirecTV satellite feed onto that giant chasm of a uterine wall.  The only inconvenience he had was his dad’s (or thought was his dad’s) penis jabbing at him every now and then.  That is a small price to pay for this kind of lifestyle.

The other day, ol’ Gum Gum decided he’d had enough and slithered out of that mushy crevice and into functioning society. With a shivery cry, Gum Gum was officially born unto the world. Gary doesn’t know what his future holds but said he has moved into his parent’s basement and plans to stay there for quite some time.  When asked what he won’t change now that he’s out, he replied, “Nude.  I’m going to stay completely nude.”

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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.