Upworthy Headlines That Never Made The Cut

March 10th, 2014 | by Bill Burns

Upworthy

Upworthy is a website that uses click-bait titles to drive people to click their links. These are some headlines that didn’t make the cut.

George had a cyst on his balls. You won’t believe what happens next.
Sam got run over by a train. What he didn’t say will shock you.
Sarah didn’t like her boyfriend. What she did to his genitals will make you happy.
Jim crapped his pants. The next sequence of events will disturb you.
She killed her husband. What the deceased man said next is jaw dropping.
He was addicted to drugs until a smiling elephant with a hat and a bow tie changed his life.
What this baby produces in his underpants will scar you for life.
Man sticks head in alligator. You will not believe why someone told him not to.
Man dresses like woman. Acts like a woman. Is he a woman?
Jon was helping Jim with his wardrobe malfunction. He put what where?
This is the greatest video to ever exist so watch it.
Everyone has secrets. See what this Alien had to say.
This tampon commercial will blow your mind.


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.