West Fargo, ND – A young teacher at the West Fargo High Skool named Gordon Summers (age 32), was allegedly, the subject of a school-girl fantasy. She wanted him, so badly, and she knew what she wanted to be. Inside her, there was so much longing, and this girl was an open page. The problem is, that the girl, (let’s call her Lolita), was only half his age (16).
Mr. Summers, after noticing her nearness, initially tried to maintain a professional distance from Miss Lolita by repeating to her: “Please, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me.”
For good reason, her friends became quite jealous, you know how bad girls can get. Sometimes, it’s not so easy, to be the teacher’s pet.
Temptation coupled with frustration got so bad, that it made him almost cry. Then, while she was waiting at a wet bus stop, he drove by in his car, all warm and dry. When she got in, he repeated to her: “Please, don’t sit so, don’t sit so close to me.”
With a lot of loose talk in the classroom, to hurt Lolita, her classmates would try and try. There were also many strong words in the staffroom, and (as you can imagine) the accusations began to fly.
At this point, there was no use in denying his attraction to Lolita. Everytime he saw her, he would begin to shake and cough, quite similar to Humbert, in that one book by Vladimir Nabokov.
Update #1: Mr. Gordon Summers was recently arrested and taken to jail for having an inappropriate relationship with a student. While in jail, he would often tell his cellmates: “Please, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me.”
Update #2: It turns out…that Lolita was actually the daughter of the Police Chief, and the whole thing was one giant set-up. Basically, Mr. Gordon Summers was stung by a Sting Operation.
Update #3: This entire multi-level plot was written by a very creative sophomore named Stewart Copeland from West Fargo High Skool for a homework assignment in his Film Studies class.
Update #4: Ironically, the teacher of this Film Studies Class is named Mr. Humbert, and his daughter, whose name is Lolita, is going to prom with…Stewart Copeland!