Bismarck, ND – A new Zika Test is now available. Most of the test results so far have been quite negative. State epidemiologists are hoping for more positive results in the future. In cooperation with the FM Observer, Dr. Carola Runquist has put together this simple, new Zika Test which can be self-administered in the privacy of your own home.
1. What is Zika?
A: A new dance craze from Brazil.
B: Ford’s new hybrid car.
C: A popular dog name.
D: Something that is very, very bad.
2. How did Zika get the name Zika?
A: From King Zika, inventor of the hammock.
B: During a scramble game in Florida.
C: From the phrase: Zika solution to the problem.
D: Name of a forest in Uganda.
3. What does Zika stand for?
A: Zoom In, Kick Ass
B: Zombies Imbibe Kool Aid
C: Zambian International Knife Association
D: Zika Invasion Killing America
4. When/How was Zika first discovered?
A: During the 1951 filming of ‘African Queen’.
B: When Columbus discovered America.
C: By accident at 3M’s Post-it Division.
D: By a captive sentinel rhesus monkey in 1947.
5. What does Zika cause?
B: Adult paralysis.
C: Societal panic.
D: All of the above.
6. How is Zika carried/transmitted?
A: Through the U.S. Postal Service.
B: Over talk-show radio waves.
C: By Amazon delivery drones.
D: By amazon mosquitos.
7. Where does Zika occur?
A: At pinochle tables in retirement homes.
B: In co-ed dorms of state universities.
C: Deep within the Earth where fracking occurs.
D: At mosquito-infested tropical resorts.
8. How do people catch Zika?
A: By sneaking up on it with a large butterfly net.
B: With a glove while sitting in the foul ball section.
C: By using high-speed cameras while sitting in trees.
D: Bitten by mosquitos that also carry chikungunya.
9.What are the symptoms of Zika?
A: Weight gain after joining Weight Watchers with Oprah.
B: Violent shaking followed by periods of extreme agitation.
C: Dryness of humor along with wetness of socks.
D: Pyrexia, arthralgia, conjunctivitis, and lethargy.
10. How is Zika treated?
A: With as much respect as possible.
B: As if human survival depends on it.
C: Suggested daily trips to the Dairy Queen.
D: With pain meds, rest, and drinking plenty o’ water.
11. What can I do to protect myself?
A: Wear a hazmat suit at all times.
B: Sign up for LifeLock Ultimate Plus.
C: Watch Dr. Oz Show every day.
D: Prevent getting bitten by mosquitos.
12. Should I avoid travelling to Zika areas?
A: Concentrate and ask again.
B: Better not tell you now.
C: Reply hazy, try again.
D: Signs point to Yes.