Pink Hill, North Carolina – Just as millions of children are heading back to school, researchers at the Pink Eye Research Village (PERV) in Pink Hill, North Carolina are studying a new pink eye superbug which is not only very highly contagious, but which also has new ways of spreading.

The normal pink eye (or conjunctivitis, for all you scientists) is the inflammation of the clear lining inside the eyelid and on the white of the eye. It is basically spread by having contact with a person who has it and is best prevented by thorough washing of hands. The inflammation gives the eye its distinct pink color.

Dr. Conrad Madras, who heads up PERV, says that the new pink eye superbug turns the person’s entire head pink and is spread in a number of new and disturbing ways.

German physician Dr. Klaus Schmid, who is a member of the PERV team, explains that the new superbug can be spread by looking at someone who has the new pink eye. “No matter what the distance is, if you look at an infected person, you yourself will be infected, and your entire head will eventually turn pink.”

Italian Dr. Fabiola Giordano is studying how the superbug is spread by coming in contact with any pink clothing. “Any clothes that are pink can be the transfer mechanism for someone to get the pink eye superbug, which loves to hide in and amongst bright pink clothing.”

Chinese researcher and ping-pong player Dr. Li Tsao is very concerned about the new pink eye superbug being contracted through email. “If someone who is infected with the new superbug sends you an email, and you happen to open that email, you will soon have a full-blown case of the new pink eye. We have never seen anything quite like it.”

If you are concerned that you may have possibly been exposed to the new pink eye superbug, you can call the PERV staff at 1-800-PINK-EYE. If you’re in the North Carolina area, you can also stop by the PERV center. Just look for all the pink buildings, and enter at your own risk.