Category Archives: Strange But True

Maui Parrot-Fish Learns To Speak Fluent Underwater English

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Hello. Will you be my friend? Pardon my fishy smell. Want to play with me?

Hello. Will you be my friend? Pardon my fishy smell. Want to play with me?

Maui, Hawaii – Everyone told him it couldn’t be done. No, you can’t train a parrot-fish to speak English, you silly boy! That’s when he wished that someday he could prove them all wrong.

Twelve year old Koka Pakalolo had always dreamed of having a fish that he could talk to, but all he ever heard was that it was just a pipe dream.

Growing up on Maui, Koka had swum with fish since he was baptized. He didn’t know that fish could not speak. Koka Pakalolo just assumed that everything could talk.

One day while snorkeling with his favorite parrot-fish, Koka’s wish came true. His dream became reality when the parrot-fish bubbled into his ear: “Hello! What’s your name?” Koka simply responded: “My name is Koka Pakalolo.”

Pantsless, Masturbating McDonald’s Customer, 69, Tried To Force Drive-Thru Worker To Touch Him

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steve clemons

After picking up food from a McDonald’s drive-thru window, a pantsless 69-year-old Florida man allegedly tried to force a female employee to touch him as he masturbated in the front seat of his vehicle, police allege.

 

Steve Orville Clemons was at the drive-thru window of a Wildwood McDonald’s when the cashier “turned to him to give him his change.” At that point, the woman realized that Clemons was sans pants and was pleasuring himself.

Read more here

 

florida herpes monkeys

Herpes-infected Monkeys Terrorize Florida

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florida herpes monkeysHundreds of rare wild monkeys — some carrying herpes — are on the loose in Florida after a tour guide brought the spunky critters to the state long ago.

Wildlife officials said that three pairs of Rhesus monkeys were transported to a park near Ocala in the 1930s by tour operator Colonel Tooey after a “Tarzan” flick sparked a fascination with the creature.

But the breed has since boomed and more than 1,000 of the monkeys now live in the state, wildlife officials say.

State officials have caught more than 700 of the monkeys in the past decade — most of which tested positive for the herpes-B virus.

Wildlife officials now consider the monkeys a public health hazard.

Read more….

Man High On Mushrooms Rips Off Part of Penis

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DETROIT — A 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man is recovering after police say he ripped off part of his penis on a drug-fueled high in Ypsilanti Township, Mich.

Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies found the man naked and screaming after responding to a burglar alarm at Ypsilanti Middle School about 1 a.m. last Tuesday, Sgt. Geoff Fox said Monday.

The man was kneeling outside the school, bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off, Fox said. He said parts of the man’s body were transferred to the hospital with him.

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Three coincidental numbers prompt man to quit job

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THE DEVIL!

THE DEVIL!

Nashville, TN – A god-fearing (or satan-fearing, depending on how you look at it) man in Tennessee quit his job the other day after his company W-2 form came through stamped with the numbers 666. Walter Slonopas got the H-E-double hockey sticks out of that obviously possessed workplace after he noticed the very frightening sequence of numbers.

Walter spoke with The Tennessean about his admittedly bizarre circumstance, telling them that “The Bible calls 666 the number of the beast” and that he could “either go to work, or go to hell.” After feeling Satan’s icy grip slide around his throat, Walter decided to jet. For good.

Contech Casting, the company he worked for, stated that it was merely the order in which the W-2 forms went out and that the presence of the number was a complete and utter coincidence. They also stated that it was a coincidence that Walter was assigned the very same eerie number to clock in with in 2011 when he began his employment.

I can’t say I blame Walter for bolting like that. I mean, if I saw the numbers 69 appear on my W-2, i’d probably think that Gina from Accounting wanted to have sex on me. And if the number zero came through stamped on my papers? I’d feel like my life had no meaning and would probably fall into a pit of depression. But if I was magically graced with the number 1 on my forms? I’m on top of the world. There would be no stopping me.

Life is all about meaningless numbers, you guys.

Gay Love Donkeys To Be Married

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Gay Love Donkeys

Gay Love Donkeys

Fargo, ND – A couple of gay Love Donkeys will soon “tie the knot” at the local zoo. It’s believed to be the first known pair of gay Love Donkeys in captivity to be married within the confines of a zoo-type environment.

Rev. Matt Tramoni, the zoo pastor, says he believes we’ll be seeing more and more of this type of thing. “Now that gay marriage amongst zoo animals has been legalized under a new federal law, I believe this could be just the tip of the iceberg”, says Pastor Matt.

The zoo trainer admits that the donkeys, Carlton and Cortez, have been life-mates ever since they moved to this zoo. “Even though they couldn’t make it official up until now”, explains Julie Whitebear, “these two have been a paragon of matrimony in all facets of their beautiful donkeyed relationship.”

Apparently, they’re planning on having a private ceremony in the zoo chapel. However, a public reception is being planned for the Spring. Carlton and Cortez are registered at all the top shops. They particularly like sweet snacks and colorful clothing.

Tom Cruise Certain Scientology Not A Hoax

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Tom Cruise Certain Scientology Not A Hoax

Kook or Visionary?

Hollywood, CA – World famous movie star and maverick is adamant that Scientology is not a hoax. Our affiliate Hollywood reporter, Tojo Saxton, has some interesting new information about all this.

FMO: Tojo, what’s going on out there?!

TJ: Well, as one of Scientology’s top gun leaders, Tom Cruise feels so strongly about this whole matter that he will soon be launching a bus tour called the “Not A Hoax” Cruise Bus. It’s slated to hit all 57 states, and bring convincing evidence to the people that Scientology is definitely not a hoax.

FMO: What sparked this whole bus tour concept?

TJ: Tom Cruise is very passionate when it comes to this subject. He believes that people who choose to speak out against Scientology “don’t know didley squat”. He does admit that the infamous South Park episode really hurt his church, especially the part that explained “This is what Scientologists actually believe”.

FMO: Do you have any details about the cruise bus?

TJ: Yes. Apparently the bus will be fully equipped to help Tom in his quest to demonstrate that Scientology is for real. Tom and his staff will be able to analyze prospective new members and get them signed up. At that point, Tom usually recites his famous phrase, “Show me the money!”, as Scientology is far from free. Mr. Cruise believes that by proving his system of religious beliefs is not a hoax, many folks will want to begin their own personal Scientological journey, if you will.

FMO: Thanks, Tojo!

Tojo Saxton has a Masters degree in Celebrity Studies from UCS (University of Celebrity Studies in California) and has been a latent affiliate reporter for FMO since OJ was locked up.

Cat Receiving Social Security Checks

Cat Receiving Monthly Social Security Checks

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CATWALKpx1

Cat happily still receiving a monthly social security check.

Missoula, MT – Cat owner was “surprised as hell” when her young cat started receiving a monthly social security check. What started out as an apparent system glitch has compounded itself into some nice additional income. Connie Tompkin’s cat, Fritz, started receiving a monthly social security check about a year and a half ago.

“The first checks, made out to ‘Fritz Tompkins’, were in the amount of $687.50” explains Connie. “Fritz and I both thought they would eventually just stop on their own. But instead, the amount of the checks has recently been increased to $803!”

Regarding what’s being done with the money, Connie has been endorsing and cashing the checks, since she is Fritz’s legal guardian with full power-of-attorney. Connie says that a small part of the money is being donated to the local humane society, since that’s where she and Fritz first met. The rest of the money is going into a “vacation fund” for both Fritz and Connie. They’ve taken a series of trips to some cat-friendly destinations, and are currently planning a two-week stay on Catalina Island.

As for the glitch, no one from the Social Security Administration was willing to comment on this matter, except for saying that it’s not really happening.