Tag Archives: flip the bird

National Lutheran Church To Become Bird Sanctuary Denomination

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Many Lutheran church sanctuaries will soon be filling up with birds.

Dulutheran, MN – The Angelical Lutheran Church Of America (ALCOA) announced that it will become the denomination that opens its sanctuary doors up to any and all types of birds.

Ms. Rose Grosbeak is the spokeswoman for ALCOA: “Each church sanctuary will be opened up as a safe-haven bird sanctuary for migrating birds who perhaps need temporary or permanent shelter.”

Ms. Grosbeak explains that architecturally, most Lutheran church sanctuaries have a lot of interior height which will help provide the birds ample room to fly around in, while using the offering plates up on the main alters as feeding stations.

Various Lutheran member groups will be making bird nests along with cute little painted bird houses for the many different types of birds that are expected to take advantage of the new Lutheran bird sanctuary pronouncement.

Moorhead Man Who Was Attacked By A Mourning Dove Is Expected To Survive

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This bad boy allegedly attacked a Moorhead man for no good reason.

Moorhead, MN – Mr. Nevin Goodrum, who was peacefully sitting in his backyard, decided to call to the mourning dove that was sitting up in his tree by blowing into his cupped hands.

After a few near-perfect calls, Mr. Goodrum was viciously attacked by the mourning dove who must’ve taken Nevin’s calls as total disrespect.

Seeing her husband all pecked down and bloodied up by the mourning dove, Mrs. Goodrum called 9-1-1 and explained the situation.

As you can imagine, Nevin Goodrum ain’t going to be calling to his neighborhood mourning doves any more, any time soon.

Just the sound of a mourning dove is now enough to send Mr. Goodrum to the Xanax drawer in an effort to calm Nevin’s frayed nerves.

Mourningly, all the letters in Nevin Goodrum can be pecked around to spell: Mourning Dove!

Musician “Flips The Bird” To Fargo Crowd While Suppposedly Trying To Play The F-Chord

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Playing the F-chord is justifiable way of flipping the bird while maintaining plausible deniability.

Fargo, ND – Some surprised listeners in the crowd of a small Fargo bar got upset when the solo musician performing on stage repeatedly gave them the middle finger during her show.

To be fair, some hecklers had been yelling out that the music at the relatively small venue was too loud for the space and had been asking for the volume to be turned down.

After the musician tried explaining that what may have appeared to be “flipping the bird” was simply her trying to play the F-chord on the guitar, some of the bar patrons took that to be a stealth reference to getting the F-bomb.

How do you feel about this? Was the crowd being too sensitive? Do you like loud music in small bars? If the musician was flipping off the crowd, was it justified? Were you aware that the F-chord is now a secret new F-bomb?