Tag Archives: homework

South Park Being Used Extensively As Educational Tool For Pandemic Home Schooling

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Using South Park for home schooling is probably the best thing you can do for your children.

Yourtown, USA – With schools being closed for the foreseeable future, many parents are choosing to educate their home-schooled children by having them watch South Park.

“Used as an educational tool, South Park checks all the boxes, plus kids love the lovable South Park characters,” says Dr. Yap Fortin who is a respected expert for using South Park as an educational tool for children being home-schooled.

FMO: To get a great education, how many hours per day should children watch South Park?

Dr. Fortin: The more the better. In fact, to binge South Park continuously would be my expert recommendation.

Ironically, all the letters in Yap Fortin can be re-arranged to spell: Profanity!

Fargo Getting Positive Response From Students About Year-Round Schooling

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Students are super stoked about the idea of year-round schooling!

Fargo, ND – Gone are the good old days of School’s Out For Summer!

Students of all ages in the Fargo school system will soon have the pleasure of year-round schooling.

School Board members are patting themselves on their collective backs for “thinking outside the box” on this one, and for coming up with such a smart New Age idea, which will presumably:

1. Raise grade point averages by 20-25% over the next twenty years.

2. Decrease future skin cancer by 20-25% over the next thirty years.

3. Combat the War On Learning Loss (which occurs during summers off).

4. Give children a taste of working a full-time job in the professional world.

5. Teach kids how to manage their recreational PTO (personal time off).

6. Act as punishment for being so spoiled with all their smartphones.

7. Teach the idea of respecting your elders.

8. Keep them busy, out of jail, and off drugs.

Fargo Family Finds Gold Bars Inside Walls Of Their Newly Purchased Older Home

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Walls filled with gold bars found in North Fargo home.

Fargo, ND – After purchasing an older home in North Fargo for about $240,000, Mr. Dell Glawson and his dear wife Goldie decided to remodel their older home by knocking out a few of the main floor walls.

In going for that more “open-concept” look, two of the old walls dividing the kitchen and living room had to be removed, which they chose to do themselves.

What Mr. Dell Glawson and his lovely wife Goldie soon discovered inside their walls was shiny gold bars stacked from floor to ceiling.

Based on the current price of gold, it is estimated that the gold they found in their walls is worth about $24 million dollars, or almost exactly 100 times more than the purchase price of their older home.

Ironically, Goldie’s Chinese fortune cookie the night before their big discovery predicted: “Mega-wealth will soon come a-knocking.”

Double ironically, all of the letters in Dell Glawson can be remodeled to spell: Golden Walls!

Fanatical Mathematical Radical Goes On Problematical Sabbatical

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What is the square root of apple pi?

Fargo, ND – An overly-zealous Fargo math teacher has been suspended from teaching.

Students in Mr. Cal Cuelator’s third grade class had been complaining of having a steady heavy load of math homework assignments.

Parents of these students also were bitching about the unusually large workload their kids were bringing home every night.

Apparently the parents were being asked by their children to help figure out increasingly difficult math word problems.

Ms. Shirley Buxom: “These word problems Timmy was asking me to help him with started out at the add and subtract level but somehow quickly moved to the college calculus level! How the hell is my little Timmy supposed to figure out the decreasing rate of gravitational pull on a fricking weather balloon that’s ascending at an average rate of 32 feet per second per second?!”

When asked about his teaching methods, Cal argued: “I am simply trying to prepare these children for the real world where they will have to compete for jobs with kids from other countries in order to bring home the bacon.”

For now, Mr. Cuelator has been suspended with partial pay for a finite amount of time. However, he is fighting the School Board on just how that partial pay is calculated and the finiteness of the suspension period.

On a daily basis, School Board members are being mailed to their homes example word problems demonstrating the resulting differences in pay calculation methods and their effects on the long-term outcomes of total pay depending on the number of months involved, which they are then asked to mail back to Mr. Cal Cuelator so he can check their work for accuracy.