Tag Archives: lake

Dear FMO: How Can We Create A Quagmire On Our Property?

Email Dr. Pete Bogg any questions you may have about landscaping or gardening.

Quamba, Minnesota – Ms. Geri Quam emailed our gardening and landscape specialist a great question: How can I create a green quagmire on our Minnesota lake property in order to provide some wetlands for animals and help save the Earth?

Dr. Pete Bogg who headquarters out of our corporate office park says: Dear Geri Quam, I commend you on your desire to create a quagmire on your property.

If done correctly, you will provide vital habitat for beavers, otters, turtles, mink, and maybe even some muskrat love. If done wrong, you might end up with an entangled imbroglio which could possibly even border on a muddled Minnesota morass.

To keep it very simple, in order to create a healthy quagmire, start out by taking some good-looking mire, and then to it add a healthy dose of quag. I’ve found that the best ratio to use here is three quags to every five foot-pounds of mire. After settling, once the whole thing eventually starts to bubble, you’ll know you’re on the right path to a successful quagmire.

Dr. Pete Bogg noted that all the letters in Geri Quam can be re-arranged to spell: Quagmire!

Lots Now Being Sold Around West Fargo Lagoon

Artist’s drawing of how the West Fargo Lagoon is expected to look in twenty years.

West Fargo, ND – What are expected to be beautiful lots someday, are being sold today around the West Fargo lagoon.

Imagine yourself cruising around this future West Fargo lake in your brand new pontoon.

This former sewage lagoon will soon be home to a loon and perhaps a raccoon.

They say it will eventually smell as fresh as a day in June, perhaps more so during a full moon rather than at high noon.

But the advantages of living in an upscale lagoon commune just North of town is it’s walking distance to the West Fargo saloon.

If you think you’d be immune to living on a former lagoon, simply contact the tycoon whose office is under a balloon.

Moorhead Man Lands Record Large-Mouth Bass From Long Lake

Long Lake is one of the best fishing lakes in Minnesota.

Long Lake is one of the best fishing lakes in Minnesota.

Long Lake, MN – During the opening of fishing season, Humbert Galasso landed what appears to be the largest large-mouth bass ever caught in Minnesota.

Mr. Galasso had just begun fishing on one of 121 different lakes in Minnesota called “Long Lake”.

After hooking a small perch, Humbert was reeling it in when a good-sized, hungry northern bit onto the line trying to eat the perch for breakfast.

What happened next will stay with Humbert Galasso forever.

He could suddenly see a giant open mouth coming up from the bottom of the lake.

What turns out to be a record-setting 358-pound large mouth bass was now caught on Humbert’s hook.

Being an experienced fisherman, it only took about two hours to get the monster fish securely into the boat.

Needless to say, everyone in Humbert Galasso’s neighborhood is invited over next Friday for a very large fish fry. Please bring your own bier.

Ironically, all the letters in “Humbert Galasso” can be rearranged to spell: Large Mouth Bass!

Large Sinkhole Creates New Minnesota Lake: Lots Selling Quickly

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Minnesota: The Land Of 10,001 Lakes

Sinkhole, MN – After a large sinkhole unexpectedly created a new lake in Northern Minisoda, realtors are wasting no time selling front row seats to the new gem.

The sinkhole, which is approximately 166 feet deep, naturally filled with early melting Spring snow due to Global Warming.

Geologist Marc Richlander: “It is rare that we get to witness what normally takes a million geological years to happen, and see it all unfold in a matter of mere weeks.”

Realtor Paddy Swanson: “Yes, we’ve already sold zero lots on the new Sinkhole Lake and are expecting to sell a lot more!”

Minnesota DNR Field Commander: “We are hoping to get Sinkhole Lake stocked with fish and zebra mussels as soon as possible.”

Swimmable Lake Discovered On Mars!

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The discovery of a lake on Mars means there are probably fish there too!

Syrtis Major, Mars – Marsologists are excitedly reporting that a lake has been discovered on Planet Mars!

What was first observed with the Viking Orbiter has now been confirmed with the Mars Rover.

The unnamed lake is reportedly in the region that Martian topographers call the Syrtis Major Planum.

It seems that water flows into this lake from Mount Olympus which is in the Tharsis region and then eventually into the Kaiser Sea.

Top Italian Marsologist, Giovanni Schiaparelli, says: “Non siamo sicuri se il lago ha acqua normale o acqua forse pesante. Ma l’acqua è acqua, non importa quanto l’idrogeno ha.”

This translates into: “We are not sure if the lake has normal water (H2O) or perhaps heavy water (H3O). But hey, water is water, no matter how much hydrogen it has, eh?”

As to what he thinks the official name of the lake will be, Giovanni simply said: “I think maybe Justin TimberLake!?”

City of Hawley to Construct Hawley-Wood Dock Of Fame

Dock of Fame prototype

Dock of Fame prototype

Hawley, MN—Taking a page from the Hollywood textbook of glitz and glamour, the city of Hawley, Minnesota will be constructing their own living, commemorative outdoor museum entitled the Hawley-Wood Dock of Fame. A gigantic, sprawling multi-level wooden boat dock made from carvings depicting various lake-related accomplishments will be built on Silver Lake as a moving tribute to those who have attained them.

The city council sees this as a fantastic opportunity to attract tourism to Hawley. Statewide fishing records and various water sport records will adorn the magnificent dock that officials hope will turn into the Hollywood Walk of Fame of the North.

Hawley Mayor Thamis Gwayrod shared his enthusiasm. “People from miles around will come see our soon-to-be historic Dock of Fame. State records like Biggest Bass, Largest Lake Trout, Wildest Walleye, Meatiest Muskie, Nastiest Northern, Highest Water Ski Jump and Most Consecutive Wakeboard Flips will all adorn our proud dock. If you build it, they will come and with a name like Hawley-Wood, who could say no?”

City officials are now taking applications from all who would like to lend their woodcarving talents to this wondrous memorial. Construction is set to begin in August.