West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.
This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.
Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.
Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:
☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns
West Fargo, ND – One tip the FM Observer would like to share with our beloved readers is to get out and do some pre-shoveling prior to a winter storm.
What is pre-shoveling, you may ask?
Pre-shoveling is proactively doing some of the inevitable after-storm shoveling that you’ll have to do…but prior to the snow event.
Not only is it much easier than post-storm shoveling, but it will also impress your neighbors, and show them that you care and that you read the FM Observer.
Blaine Rizbain, who recently moved to Fargo: “Now that I’ve tried doing some pre-shoveling, I am totally hooked, not only because I have an addictive personality but because it just makes sense, plus it’s a good way to meet some neighbors.“
Pre-shoveling is also a good idea prior to the first snow storm of the year because it will help you locate your shoveling equipment which is prolly still up in your attic next to your Christmas tree stand.
Today is the day you get to chop down that tree you hate in your neighbor’s yard! No questions axed.
Marked Tree, Arkansas – In the wake of yesterday being Arbor Day, today is our national day to chop down any neighborhood trees that you don’t like. Chop it down today and axe questions tomorrow.
Trees have been shown to provide shade which can lead to Global Cooling. Do your part. Chopped down a tree today. No questions axed.
Many accidental injuries are tree-related such as falling out of a treehouse while drinking a bier. Help avoid these type of accidents in your neighborhood. Proactively start a-chopping. Axe a friend to help.
Trees can be home to many diseases such as Dutch Elm, Treebola, and the dreaded Zika Virus. If you’re tired of being sick, today is the day to make a difference.
So, go grab that axe and do what needs to be done. If they axe you why you’re doing it, there’s no need to mention that you read this post on the FM Observer. You just tell’em, hey, it’s National Chop-Down-A-Neighbor’s-Tree Day!