Tag Archives: survey

Survey Asks: Do We Really Need Domesticated Cats?

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One thing that everyone agrees on: Domesticated cats are now obsolete!

Catalina, Arizona – We recently surveyed less than a million people asking about cats as pets.

The overall consensus from our expensive and extensive survey was that domesticated cats have now become obsolete.

Case in point: Let’s take the average domesticated cat for example.

Your typical house cat has become bored, lazy, and fat.

Today’s modern couch cat goes from catatonic cat naps to over-using recreational catnip with an occasional caterwaul for more of the same.

Domesticated cats are an embarrassment to their species and are nearly unrecognizable from their ancestral progenitors.

The solution to this catastrophe is to release today’s home-bound cats out into the wild to give them a purpose again: Mouse and Vole Patrol!

In summary: Do we really still need to have domesticated cats? The answer is a categorical: NO!

FMO Asking: How Safe Do You Feel In North Fargo?

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FM Observer’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

Fargo, ND – After Fargo’s mayor firmly declared the city to be safe despite some recent fatalities just North of the downtown area, our FM Observer’s man-on-the-street went out to ask some locals living in that area of town the following simple question:

Question: How safe do you feel in your North Fargo neighborhood?

Here are some of the answers we got:

I feel as safe as caged pigeons in the basement of a Chinese restaurant.

I feel as safe as a young baseball fan sitting in the foul ball section of a Cubs game.

I feel as safe as a French cathedral while restoration workers have a smoke break.

I feel as safe as American tourists vacationing in the Dominican Republic.

I feel as safe as an afternoon clerk at a Howard Johnson’s Inn.

I feel as safe as private insurance companies during a Bernie Sander’s rally.

I feel as safe as a typo in a document about to be spell-checked.

I feel as safe as a bottle rocket in a match factory.

I feel as safe as an African lion within sight of a Minneapolis dentist.

I feel as safe as a case of ice-cold beer at We Fest.

I feel as safe as the owner of a Texas BBQ food truck.

Most People In FM Area Consider Themselves To Be Above Average

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Most of the people in Fargo and West Fargo are above average but not as many in Moorhead.

Most of the people in Fargo and West Fargo are above average but not so much in Moorhead.

West Fargo, ND – Our annual survey results are starting to be compiled and are showing that most of the people in the Fargo-Moorhead area consider themselves to be above average.

West Fargo tops the list where 84.7% of people surveyed strongly consider themselves to be above average which is up a bit even from last year.

The City of Fargo had about 78.4% of its people believing that they are above average which is about the same as previously discovered.

Moorhead, Dilworth, and Glyndon bottomed out the list as only 48.7% of their residents think of themselves as being above average.

We request that all neighborhood captains report your survey results within the next few weeks so that the official final numbers can be tallied and included in our year-end final reports.