Tag Archives: trumpets

Trump To Introduce Family’s New Pet Llama Whose Name Is Dolly

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The newest addition to the Trump First Family: Dolly the Llama!

Washington, DC – Breaking from long-standing tradition once again, instead of introducing a new First Dog to the country as most presidents have done in the past, President Donald Trump and his First Family will be unveiling their new pet llama named Dolly.

As it was a gift from the Bolivian Llama Party, the First Llama hails from Bolivia where llamas are often adopted to become close members of Bolivian families who almost treat them as equals.

Dolly will freely roam the grounds of the White House for visitors to pet and perhaps even ride.

However, be forewarned that if she is overloaded with too much weight, Dolly the Llama may spit, hiss, or even kick, much like many Democrats have been doing ever since the inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th president.

President Trump To Make Salvation Army Part Of U.S. Military

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Salvation Army to join U.S. Military per President Trump.

Trump Tower, NY – On Day One of his presidency, President Donald Trump stuck to his campaign promise to make the Salvation Army an equal member of the United States Military.

“This is going to be huge, folks, trust me, it’s going to be great,” uttered the in-coming president.

“Now bell ringers with guns will be able to ring their bells and forcibly collect money all over the world.”

A surprised spokesman for the Salvation Army was overheard in the bathroom saying that “this all has come as quite a shock to both the leadership and rank & file workers of the Salvation Army. I most certainly hope we are all somewhat trained in the use of guns and one-on-one personal self-defense combat fighting!”

A spokeswoman for the new Trump Administration recently announced that each and every existing fricking governmental…
1. department, 2. agency, 3. division, and 4. bureaucracy
will first be…
1. reviewed, 2. interviewed, and 3. analyzed
and then either…
1. downsized, 2. amalgamated, or 3. completely eliminated.

Editor’s Note: Obviously, in the case of the Salvation Army, it is being amalgamated.

President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall

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Pink Floyd hired by President Trump to be in charge of The Wall.

Pink Floyd hired by President Trump to be in charge of The Wall.

Wall, Texas – Wasting no time after his landslide victory, President Trump announced that he is putting Pink Floyd in charge of building The Wall.

President Trump: “Pink Floyd is going to be in charge of The Wall along our Southern border. It’s going to be great. It will be longer and greater than the Great Wall in China. And Mexico will pay for it.”

In other news, President Trump has asked retiring NFL football player HaHa Clinton-Dix to oversee the special prosecutor who will be in charge of putting Hillary in prism for her off-color remarks.

As the 70-year-old President Trump becomes the 45th president of the United States after running for his first elected office, we can expect to see a long list of celebrities moving to Canada, including: Barbara Streisand, Bryan Cranston, Whoopi Goldberg, Jon Stewart, and Rosie O’Donnell. 

Civilian Trumpet Militia Groups Now Forming In Your Area

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Do you have a horn? Would you like to blow your horn?

Do you have a horn? Would you like to blow your horn?

Anytown, USA – An exciting new grass-roots organization is now starting new chapters in your area. The Civilian Trumpet Militia is being formed in all 57 states of the USA.

If you have ever played a trumpet which might be idly resting in your basement, this is a great opportunity to get involved in something that could change the course of history and blow people’s minds.

The Trumpet Militia could be called upon at any time to: defend the country, protect our borders, quell a prison riot, or even march in a parade.

Here are some motivational quotes from our Founding Fathers who felt strongly about this subject:

Patrick Henry: “The people have a right to keep and blow trumpets. Everyone who is able might join a trumpet militia.”

Thomas Jefferson: “No free person shall ever be debarred the use of a trumpet. A strong body makes the mind strong. While a trumpet gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind.”

Richard Henry Lee: “A trumpet militia, when properly formed, is in fact the people themselves and includes anyone capable of blowing a trumpet.”

James Madison: “A well regulated trumpet militia, composed of the people, trained to blow, is the best and most natural defense of a free country.”