Tag Archives: valentine’s day

Let The FM Observer Help Express Your Love On Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day = Love Day :o)

Heartland, USA – Valentine’s Day is the favorite holiday here at our FM Observer corporate office park.

This is true because it’s not only a day of flowers and chocolates but also of overt expressions of love.

We pride ourselves each year in providing the community with some new and innovative ways for you to tell your Valentine how much you love them.

Here are this year’s Top Ten Valentine’s Day quotations that you can use when writing your card, sending flowers, or whispering sweet nothings by candlelight:

♥ I love you despite your obvious flaws.
♥ Love makes the earth spin and causes it to warm.
♥ Happiness is loving your lovely lover who loves you.
♥ Valentine’s Day is the best of the secondary holidays.
♥ If we hadn’t met, we’d each probably have another.
♥ There’s a reason a rose has sharp thorns.
♥ You turned my nightmare into a daydream.
♥ Thanks for not giving up on me early on.
♥ Rising and falling in love has its ups and downs.
♥ Love is like a great margarita during happy hour.

Moorhead Couple Spends Valentine’s Evening Together In Jail After Being Arrested For Disrespecting An Officer

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Jail runs out of cupcakes on Valentine’s Day.

Moorhead, MN – Trelga and Nevron Broomstad simply wanted to go eat out at one of Moorhead’s finer restaurants on Valentine’s Day and then perhaps head back home to snuggle and maybe watch some reruns of reruns on television.

Unfortunately, on their way home, the Broomstads got pulled over by a Moorhead police officer for having a Trump/Pence bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle.

The two were quickly handcuffed and driven off in the back of an unmarked police van to spend the long night in jail for disrespecting an officer.

Their bumper-stickered car was impounded and trash-compacted into a dense cubic foot of scrap metal and then loaded onto a ship headed to China.

While sitting in separate jail cells, Trelga and Nevron Broomstad were each to be given a Valentine’s Day cupcake along with all the other inmates but there were not quite enough to go around so the two were left with no Valentine’s Day cupcakes but they were allowed to watch some reruns of reruns on the television.

Moral of the story: Select your bumper stickers wisely.

Valuable Valentine’s Day Mobiles Cleverly Hidden Throughout Fargo-Moorhead Area

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This stunningly beautiful mobile by Amsterdam Douglass has an estimated worth of $100,000

West Fargo, ND – As a special Valentine’s Day treat for our readers, the FM Observer’s local resident artist has offered up some extra exciting fun.

Amsterdam Douglass is his name, and mobiles are his latest game.

Our long-time friend and seriously famous artist, Amsterdam Douglass, has created ten Valentine’s Day mobiles (each worth an estimated $100,000) and has also cleverly hidden them throughout the greater Fargo-Moorhead area.

Let us know if you find one of these beautiful Valentine’s Day mobiles created especially for you by Amsterdam Douglass.

We would like to have a picture taken of all the winners holding their mobiles.

So, good luck mobile hunting on this lovely Spring day, and Happy Valentine’s Day from the FM Observer, your most trusted source of satirical fake news.

Harpist To Serenade Downtown Fargo Valentine’s Day Patrons

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Harpist

Für Elise in A-minor, whether you like it or not

Fargo, ND—The Observer is proud to announce a special treat for downtown Fargo this Valentine’s Day! The enchanting melodies of the soon-to-be infamous Broadway Harpist will serenade street-side onlookers this weekend. Couples who walk hand-in-hand down Broadway will enjoy the ambient presence of the heavenly harp-sick-cord.

Thine own soothing harpist shalt gleefully stalk ye with romantic sound as ye walk. He shalt follow thee downeth thine street-side, plucking gently at thilst instrument of divinity. Harken as ye traveleth by foot down thy sideth walketh; thine harpist shan’t be far away.

The street-side harpist will wheel his instrument close behind those who lag, strumming delicately. His harp wood might give you a playful nudge—but it’s all right! He merely wants to provide an intimate experience for you on this, the Lover’s Holiday. Tips are greatly appreciated.

Look for the harpist on a downtown Fargo sidewalk. Thilst playing shalt commence at the fall of nigh.

Things To Know About Valentine’s Day

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This is the first known Valentine's Day card from 1921.

This is the first-known Valentine’s Day card from 1921. It’s worth an estimated $12,000,000!

Valentine, Nebraska – Most people don’t know the true history of Valentine’s Day.

Back in the early 1920’s, Dr. Valentine wanted to express to his wife how much he loved her.

As a successful heart surgeon, the shape of the heart was ubiquitous in his office.

He made the first-ever Valentine’s Day card (see picture) for his lovely wife, Lilly, on her birthday which just happened to be February 14th.

Today, Valentine’s Day cards are big business, as is evidenced by walking down the card aisle at your local grocery store.

But the really big business is collecting vintage Valentine’s Day cards.

Some of the average ones dating back to the 1920’s are worth between $20,000 to $75,000.

A few of the more rare and sought-after cards can bring millions of dollars at vintage auction houses.

If you really want to give your Valentine something special, look up in your attic for any old vintage Valentine’s Day cards that may be worth more than your fricking house!

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day from the FM Observer!

Drunk Zamboni Driver Ices Ex-Wife’s Property

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Many ways to show your love.

Many ways to show your love.

Fargo, ND – It was probably bound to happen eventually. A drunk Zamboni driver “temporarily borrowed” the big ice machine to give his ex-wife an early Valentine’s Day present.

Mr. Sam Pony has been charged with possession of stolen property, destruction of property, and violation of a restraining order.

The police report indicates that: “After drinking more than his limit of Fargo Beer, Mr. Pony proceeded to drive the Zamboni out of the Fargo South High Hockey Arena and into his ex-wife’s yard where everything including the sidewalks and driveway got a thick coating of ice.”

With temperatures plummeting into the deep-freeze due to Global Cooling, this ice will probably be around at least until Spring.

When asked why he did it, Mr. Sam Pony tried to say: “With Valentine’s Day almost here, I wanted to turn my ex-wife’s yard into one big glazed donut. I thought it looked real nice! I donut see what the big problem is, ya know what I’m saying? You donut have to get all bent out of shape over this, ya know. Hey, it’s just ice, man!”

It's Ok To Be Gay On Valentines Day

Westboro Church States, “It’s Ok To Be Gay On Valentine’s Day.”

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It's Ok To Be Gay On Valentines DayTopeka, Kansas – In a weird turn of events, The Westboro Baptist Church announced today that it was Ok To Be Gay on Valentine’s Day.

Two men wrestling each other’s penises, the church states, is “OK on Valentine’s Day.”

This neat little jingle, Westboro Church hopes, will raise more homosexual awareness.

“We feel that it is Ok To Be Gay on Valentine’s Day and that all men who feel ridiculed or ashamed may all meet, here, at the Westboro Baptist Church.  You will feel safe and god will forgive your sins.  We will take real good care of you.”

We find it very odd that the Westboro Baptist Church would hold gay meetings.  The church has been very outspoken against gays even claiming that God Hates Fags.  They have picketed all over the United States preaching hate and negativity.

“We feel this will give the fags that god hates so much a chance to forgive their sins.  That is all.  There is nothing else going on.  I swear.  What?  Why are you looking at me like that?  I swear we just want to forgive the sins of fags because we care.  I’m serious.  Why do you have your hand on your forehead?  We hate gays.  I’m not gay!  Why are you laughing!?!” a church member stated.

Although we will never know, it seems there might be more than the eyes can see in regards to the Westboro Baptist Church.  Are we being trolled?  Are they for real?  Dare I ask if they themselves are gay?  These are the questions we need to answer.

Maybe the church is pulling one of the greatest trolling stunts in human history.

Sanford Hospital To Provide Free Valentine’s Day Heart Transplants

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Funny-pictures-baboon-butt-heartFargo, ND—A local hospital is taking a heartfelt initiative this Valentine’s Day. Starting at noon, the first 100 customers through the door at Sanford Health in downtown Fargo will receive a no-cost heart transplant.

“If you’re hopelessly alone on Valentine’s Day, chances are you have a broken heart and for that, we have a solution,” said Sanford President Kenneth Noisewater. “Due to a shipping error, our hospital is the proud, unfortunate owner of 22 crates of glistening baboon hearts.”

Noisewater mentioned that sufferers of heartbreak need to act fast as this is a very limited-time offer: “The first 100 victims of Valentine’s Day sadness will earn themselves a new ticker. Don’t wait! Surgeons are standing by!”

The Observer recommends you clutch your loved one tight this evening or you, too could be waiting in line for a set of monkey ventricles.

Free Personalized Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas

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There are infinite ways to say I Love You.

Valentine, Nebraska – With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, the mad scramble is on to buy prickly thorned roses and chocolate covered teddy bears for all the lovely sweethearts.

Others are desperately seeking alternative gift ideas to show their love and affection, such as a gift certificate to Victor’s Secrets, or a year-long membership to a shooting range, or a Hearts-On-Fire blood diamond.

The FM Observer has an idea for a fun and creative present for your Valentine.

At the Acme.com Heart Maker website, you can make Valentine heart candies with whatever personalized message you want on them.

Once you’ve created your messaged candy in whatever color combination you want, then right-click, save it, and send it to your Valentine.

Heart Maker

The Acme.com website also has a license plate maker website for an additional creative way to express your love.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the FM Observer. And remember, every day should be Valentine’s Day!

License Maker

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The FM Observer wishes you and yours a very nice VD!