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Area Homeless Angry Over Mars Rover Landing

By on August 6, 2012

Fargo, ND – What a world we live in! The nerds over at NASA and people across the globe watched as the last 10 years of astrophysics engineering came to fruition early this morning with the landing of the Mars rover, “Curiosity”. The last 10 or so years was a marathon of software computations, physics formulas and jet propulsion engineering which resulted in the placement of Curiosity smack dab in the middle of the Mars landscape. This has the homeless community outraged. The needy are wondering why the hell the Salvation Army building downtown cannot afford central air conditioning but meanwhile, millions of dollars of federal grant money is being fed to a program dedicated to a planet millions of miles away from where our real problems exist: Earth. Moorhead-area hobo Todd Fox had this to say during a protest outside of the Moorhead planetarium:

“I’m sleepin’ outside under a heap of shit-covered blankets in the winter because I can’t get health insurance to buy pills that keep the goddamn demons out of me. How much you think puttin’ some damn 4-wheeler on the surface of Mars cost? Probably a lot more than a year’s supply of demon pills, brother. Change? Spare change??”

Fox then showed me the demon carving on his forearm made using a plastic butter knife that he claimed the “Mars buggy demons” are responsible for. The Observer wishes the homeless best of luck getting demon pill grant money during these trying times.

About Nick Hirchert


I am a satirical news columnist for the F-M Observer. Follow my daily musings and harass me on twitter here: @NickHirchert. Send an angry email to fmobserver@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

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