Category Archives: Film

Sales Exec Serves As Lookout During Illicit Video Playback

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Picture courtesy of Getty Images and FOX’s new movie, Unfinished Business, in theaters March 6th

If you want to have childish fun at work, you better make sure you don’t get caught. That’s the risk you take when you watch fail vids and barf vids during business hours.

In order to combat this risk, you need to take the proper precautions.

Sales executive Dan Trunkman was given the hefty responsibility of keeping an eye on the hallway as they all watched a hilarious barf video on YouTube. “One of us needs to serve as lookout while we watch. Dan, it’s your turn,” said lead marketing analyst Shalli McSkeetle.

“There’s a lot on the line here. If anyone catches us watching this video, we’re in deep shit,” Dan says. “I can keep my right eye on the barf vid and at the same time, keep my left eye on the hallway. It’s an invaluable skill, my man.”

Dan went on to say that he’s honing his lookout skills for this year’s March Madness tournament. He’s expected to be on hallway lookout for two straight days while the gang watches basketball online.

Phone Call Bails Area Man Out Of Face-to-Face Conversation

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Picture courtesy of Getty Images and FOX’s new movie, Unfinished Business, in theaters March 6th

The awkward drudgery of interpersonal small talk was brought to an abrupt halt today for one area man. Mike Pancake was nearly out of things to talk about with his rambling co-worker Randy when the gods finally smiled upon him: His phone rang.

Mike could hardly contain his joy as he felt the vibration in his pocket. “Excuse me, Randy, I have to take this,” he explained as Randy’s incessant mutterings trailed off.

“Dude, you freaking saved me. I was about to pull Randy’s face off like Geena Davis did to hers in Beetlejuice,” said Mike to his savior, while a sullen Randy stared off into space.

“I swear if you get within 8 feet of Randy’s desk, you get sucked into a weird conversation every time. He’s like a human black hole.”

Batman Speaks Out Regarding Ben Affleck Casting Decision

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Batman_Begins_1GOTHAM CITY—The Dark Knight. The Caped Crusader. The Bat Man. Whatever you want to call him, you call him that with a straight face and some respect because he takes the role of Gotham’s Protector very seriously.

So seriously in fact, that when he found out who would be playing him in the upcoming series of Batman/Superman movies he took to the underground media to voice his opinion on the topic:

“BEN AFFLECK….HAS BEEN IN MANY MOVIES….PLAYED MANY CHARACTERS….HE’S EVEN DIRECTED A FEW….HELL, HE EVEN….PLAYED ‘DAREDEVIL’ ONCE…..BUT THAT……DOES NOT SUFFICIENTLY….PREPARE HIM…..FOR THE ROLE…..OF THE DARK KNIGHT….JUST BECAUSE…..THE SUIT FITS….DOESN’T MEAN…..YOU SHOULD WEAR IT……I MEAN…..LOOK AT GEORGE CLOONEY……THAT…..WAS A TOTAL…..DISASTER…….AND VAL KILMER…….DON’T GET ME….STARTED….WHEN I SAW…..THAT PATHETIC EFFORT….I ALMOST CALLED…..THE JUSTICE LEAGUE….TO HAVE HIM…..EXTERMINATED…..LIKE A PIECE….OF GOTHAM CITY….TRASH…..THE AFFLECK ERA….WILL GO NO BETTER….CHRISTIAN BALE….MICHAEL KEATON….THAT’S WHERE IT’S AT…..”

And then, in a blink of an eye, he was gone. It is not unlike Batman to be very direct with his insight. He’s clearly against the Affleck decision. To please the Dark Knight, perhaps Hollywood should go another route? Not even Bryan Cranston as Lex Luthor can save this casting blunder.