Garrison Dam Tailrace

Morbidly Obese Lake Trout Breaks State Record

Bismarck, ND – A North Dakota state record was broken recently as a 16lb-6oz, 33-inch lake trout was hauled out of the Garrison Dam Tailrace. This disgustingly huge fish animal breaks the record held by the previous lake trout by over 2 lbs. Horrendous. The fish had clearly let itself go. But is this lake beast at all embarrassed by being outed as the fattest, ugliest trout/whale of all time? Not even close. In between bites of earthworm, the sickly animal had this to say about its victory:

“I’ve been stuffing my bulbous gills with anything I could fit in there since I was a guppy. Look at me now! Who said gluttony never pays off in America! Yeah!!”

It has been reported that it took two men to pull this monster into the boat. A chainsaw and a total of 3 garbage bags were used to gut and clean the bastard.

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Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.