Pope Benedict XVI Resigning To Become Head Coach of Penn State Football

February 13th, 2013 | by Bill Burns
Field goal is good because of Jesus!

Field goal is good because of Jesus!

Pope Benedict XVI shockingly and abruptly announced his resignation earlier this week after nearly eight years as the head of the Catholic Church.

Pope Benedict XVI is the first pope to resign in over 600 years.  He is also the first pope to utilize Twitter, who must have had help and direction from god himself to get that working.

What is the pope going to do now?  Well it isn’t retirement that’s for sure.

The Pope has been hired to head coach the Penn State football team effective the beginning of next month.

 

We feel Pope Benedict XVI to be everything we are looking for to lead this fine football team here at Penn State — Anita Bure (public relations)

We feel his hands-on experience with the youth is second to none and it’s just what we need for our program — Assistant Coach

Wednesday, Pope Benedict XVI celebrated his last public Mass as pontiff in which he had this to say:

“As you know, I’ve decided to renounce the ministry.  I know this may come as a shock to all of you but this may be even more shocking.  I’ve been hired head coach of the Penn State football team. I know I know…crazy you say.  However, with my connections with the lord jesus christ, Penn State needs all the help they can get.  I also have extensive hands-on experience with the innocent children here on earth and I really feel this will transition well into their football program.”

The Pope will make his final public appearances later this month

 


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.