Running, Rollerblading, Biking, Hotties, Causing Car Crashes Across The Fargo-Moorhead Area.

April 5th, 2012 | by Bill Burns

runner fargo moorheadFargo, ND – You can tell spring is finally here as seen by the boners casually sticking out of men’s shorts or the increase of car crashes across the Fargo-Moorhead area.  Fargo-Moorhead has seen a dramatic increase of car crashes since fresh air and nice weather has graced the region.  Since Monday, there have been a total of 10 automobile accidents and all of them were males behind the wheel.

One crash was report on 25th st and 32nd ave in South Fargo.  We spoke with the man involved in the accident and asked how it all happened.

“Well I was listening to the song Dancing Queen by ABBA and rolling down the street pretty hard.  I looked to my left and saw a huge rack of big ol’ titties bouncing up and down to the beat of the same song I was listening to.  She was just riding her bike all hot and stuff.  Next thing I knew, the front of my car was halfway through the back end of the car in front of me.”

We were on location of another accident on 9th st e and 18th ave e West Fargo.  We asked Peter File how it all went down.

“I was just driving around Cheney Middle School over and over you know?  I was uh, just bored on my day off.  I spilled some pop on my crotch and was wiping it up when something passed the corner of my eye.  I looked over to see a very sexy young lady on roller blades.  The last thing I remember was seeing her sweaty nipples through her white shirt.  It was glorious!  Then I crashed my car into a light pole and that sucked.  I blacked out for 10 minutes but I will always remember the nipple sweat.”

Lastly we spoke with James who veered off the road, went down a ditch, jumped 2ft over a hill and finally landed in a man made lake.

“I was simply minding my own business when I saw two girlfriends in short shorts running down the road.  I was imagining how cool it would be for them to just stop running and start making out.  That’s when I veered off the road like the dukes of hazzard.

This beautiful weather is only going to get nicer so we can only hope we see more barley dressed women hopping around like not a care in the world.  I apologize.  What I meant was, as it’s only the start of spring, this weather is only going to get nicer.  Let’s pay attention to our fellow drivers and keep our eyes on the road.


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Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.