Tag Archives: bigly

Expert Now Believes Universe Began And Will Also End With A Big Bang

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If you like big fireworks, you will love being around for the final Big Bang! –Dr. Gabbin Fingal

Bangor, Maine – Dr. Gabbin Fingal now has good reason to believe that the universe will end just like it began.

Dr. Fingal’s highly scientific model of the universe has repeatedly shown that the original Big Bang of creation can and will very likely be eventually followed by a final Big Bang of total disintegration.

Dr. Gabbin Fingal in his own words:

“This is what i believe, and what I believe is this, Sir Isaac Newton’s third law which states that ‘every action has an equal and opposite reaction’ assuredly also applies to the universe’s creational Big Bang.”

“When will this happen? It depends on how you set your Universal Clock.“

Scientifically, all the letters in Gabbin Fingal can be exploded into: Final Big Bang!

Trump Administration Considering Travel Enforcement To New Arctic Iceberg

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Big is beautiful.

Washington, DC – Last week, in the thrall of a red-hot northern hemisphere summer, the shockingly brittle Larsen C Ice Shelf buckled under the pressure and shed a few trillion tons of unneeded weight. This signifies a huge win for climate change accepters like Al Gore. Climate change deniers remain mum.

The Trump administration is considering a travel enforcement to this new iceberg as compensation for the recent travel ban, a spokesman for a representative of an anonymous member of a Fake News source is said to have maybe repeated early Monday. It is not known who will be forced to travel to the new ‘berg or how they will get there, but do know that mandatory travel is possibly being maybe or not considered.

A brief roundup of things not quite as big as the broken ice shelf:

Bifton Dingwater. Doesn’t have much to say about the broken iceberg.

  • Donald Trump’s hands
  • The national debt
  • United States Tax Code
  • The Guinness World Record for biggest hamburger ever eaten
  • An Ice Breakers® sugar-free mint with cooling crystals

Locals are saying that this broken iceberg is definitely NOT a sign of things to come. They are saying it has nothing to do with climate change. “I don’t live in Antarctica. This is North Dakota. Quit bothering me with these weird questions,” says Antarctica resident Bifton Dingwater. 

The Observer is of the ilk that maybe NASA ought to freeze-weld that big berg back onto Antarctica before Al Gore blows a gasket.