Minneapolis, MN—The 2014 Major League Baseball draft has uninterestingly concluded, resulting in something like 80 or so guys taken by the Minnesota Twins. Among the players drafted were four St. Paul Saints infielders in addition to St. Paul Saints clubhouse janitor Chlaff Peenisackle.
“Scouted him during batting practice. Great footwork, swings his stick like a natural,” explained Twins GM Terry Ryan. The Twins have made a marginally-successful ballclub out of scouting raw talent within their farm system. Mop-wielder Peenisackle should be no exception.
The club deployed Similar tactics during the 2013 draft with their selection of Target Field groundskeeper Bronk Clobbler.
Minneapolis, MN—I believe the old saying goes, “In with the new, in with the old.” That’s the mantra around Minnesota Vikings football team headquarters these days as newly-acquired head coach Mike Zimmer is employing some old tricks that long-time fans of the Purple have seen before.
As reported by Matt Drangle of the Minneapolis Sun-Times, the Vikings have traded away their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th-round 2014 draft picks for the rights to keep star running back Adrian Peterson. This leaves them with only 6th and 7th-round picks.
“When you’re carrying a loaded magnum with six bullets, what are you gonna do? NOT fire the gun?” quoted coach Zimmer. “We spoke to the league. They agreed that there’s nothing in the NFL Book of Bylaws that says you can’t have an NFL draft fire sale every 20 years or so. This will keep our offense on the right track and save us a ton of cap space by not having to ink a fleet of unproven rookies.”
Coach went on to explain that draft picks are just numbers, they’re not even players and that trading away numbers for an actual player was good strategy. Coach’s strategy is particularly baffling as the player in question is currently under contract. At press time it is not certain where the traded-away draft picks will end up, but it sounds likely that they will be donated to a local non-profit organization.
Not since 1989 have the Purple traded away a heavy handful of draft picks for a mega-talent. It appears coach Zimmer abides by another old saying: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”