Category Archives: Editorial

NDSU To Offer Rock Balancing As Major Field Of Study

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NDSU welcomes Professor Dr. Michael Grab

NDSU welcomes Professor Dr. Michael Grab

Fargo, ND – North Dakota State University is proud to announce that a major in Rock Balancing is being added to its fields of study.

Canadian-born Professor Dr. Michael Grab who now headquarters out of Boulder, CO will oversee NDSU’s Rock Balancing classes.

Dr. Grab has long been one of the world’s foremost authorities on the Art of Rock Balancing.

With the recent rise in popularity of rock balancing, job opportunities abound for trained rock balancers as many resorts, hotels, and restaurants are seeking to hire them to their staff.

Dr. Grab also believes practicing the Art of Rock Balancing provides many meditative benefits and helps to promote patience.

NDSU will be offering Rock Balancing classes to all undergraduate and graduate students and also through on-line study courses.

FMO Announces Winner Of 1st Dubious Yard-Of-The-Month Award

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Dubious Yard of the Month

…and YOUR yard could be next!

West Fargo, ND – And the winner of the June 2015 Dubious Yard-of-the-Month Award goes to…

Hagos Tekle
Gosposka Ulica 100
1251 Moravče

If you think YOUR yard qualifies YOU for the Dubious Yard-of-the-Month Award, contact any Ace Hardware employee for your free Dubious Yard-of-the-Month Award Application and Personal Debriefing Package.

Specifically tell them: you “did not hear about this” from the FM Observer .com website.

Father’s Day Surprise: Wife Gives Birth During Rollercoaster Ride

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Born in the USA!

Sandusky, OH – To celebrate the longest day of the year, Dr. Michael Hunt and his lovely wife Susan decided to go for a fun afternoon ride on the Millennium Force rollercoaster in the Cedar Point amusement park.

This particular rollercoaster is currently the third-longest one in North America and reaches a top speed of 930 miles per hour.

Mrs. Hunt climbed aboard the Millennium Force while being eight and a half months pregnant.

As it turns out, this would be a ride that the couple (and everyone sitting behind them) would remember forever.

Somewhere between the third and fourth turns, Mrs. Hunt gave birth to an eight and a half pound healthy baby boy whom they named Millen Force Hunt.

Dr. Hunt said it’s the first-known rollercoaster birth he can ever recall.

He also says it was the best Father’s Day present he could have ever asked for and is so happy that it fell into his lap.

Mosquito Spraying Turns Tadpole Into Giant MegaToad

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Giant toad threatens family’s car.

West Fargo, ND – A young boy raising tadpoles for his fricking frog farm believes area mosquito sprayings caused one of his pet tadpoles to grow to Godzilla-sized proportions.

The MegaToad which the boy named Goliath is still growing and at last count stood about seven times the height of the family’s VW Beetle (see picture).

The boy and his father now believe that the chemical known as permethrin (C21H20Cl2O3) used by the Cass County Vector Control Unit is the cause of the tadpole’s unusual transformation.

The two also have reason to believe that this chemical is the exact same substance used by Norman Osborn (a.k.a. The Green Goblin) in the 2002 Spider-Man movie.

Because of this, the boy and his family are now living in protective custody via the Witless Protection Program. The father’s secret new assumed name and location is: Keedera Gowron, 35107 Stockert Hollow Road, Redmond WA.

If you notice any strange transformations in any of your pets (especially cats) or family members (especially females), please contact local city officials immediately.

Regarding the MegaToad, it is currently being housed south of town, in a large quonset building which is normally used for blimps and hot air balloons.

Condemned Grand Forks Castle Renting Out As Party House

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Grand Forks Party Castle

Grand Forks, ND – An historic old building in Grand Forks which dates back to the Ming Dynasty, is now available for large, wild parties.

In the wake of the 1997 flood, the castle sustained enough damage for city authorities to condemn the place.

Rather than razing it and putting up a parking lot, a motivated group of creative fraternity brothers effectively changed some minds on this issue.

Even though the castle has no electricity, water, or working plumbing, it will be the perfect location for super large and crazy parties since it is virtually indestructible.

Book your event soon as dates are filling up quickly!

Fargo Airport To Allow Runway Drag Racing In Between Flights

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Racing On The Runways

Fargo, ND – In what some are calling a bold move, the Fargo Airport will soon allow street racing on the runways during times between flights.

“Rather than endangering people on the city streets, the long Hector Airport runways will be a much safer place for racers to prove themselves to their peers,” says Toby Duckworth of the Fargo Associated Street Trackers (FAST).

Air-traffic controllers will moonlight as race referees and declare all winners.

To begin with, there will be two FAST divisions: Funny Cars, and Non-Funny (or Serious) Cars.

All FAST races will either be between two cars or three cars, depending on the turnout.

There is also the possibility of cars racing against planes just taking off on the runway.

If you are interested in participating in the airport runway races, you can call Toby Duckworth, or just show up at the the Air-Traffic control parking lot and wait until your lucky number is called.

Local Large-Group Marriage Expected To Go To The Supreme Court

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Challenging the Definition of Marriage

Downer, MN – In the quaint Minnesota village of Downer (formerly known as Xanax), a large-group wedding of nine women and five men is expected to challenge the definition of marriage.

The recent marriage of fourteen (14) people to each other is unprecedented in the United States unless you include Arkansas.

The “Beaverton Group” (as they like to be called) has chosen a slogan for their upcoming legal battle: Onward Is Our Aim!

If you would like to kindly donate cookies for their upcoming bake sale to raise money in support of the Beaverton Group’s challenge to the definition of marriage, contact any of the nine (9) Beaverton wives for more details.

New Cheeseburger-Shaped Space Restaurant Ready To Serve

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Ready, Set, Blast Off to the new Burger King Space Station Restaurant!

Kennedy Space Center, FL – NASA and the Burger King Corporation are very proud to announce that their joint effort to put a Burger King restaurant into space orbit has finally been realized.

With today comes news that a flying Double Whopper® no tomato, no lettuce, extra cheese has been blasted into orbit. The aircraft, tentatively named SpaceBurger, is home for a brand new Burger King franchise that is scheduled to land on Mars in the year 2018.

Any asstronauts out for a leisurely spacewalk or hungry legal aliens who might be passing through our galaxy will be happily surprised to find a wide variety of zero-gravity fast-food offerings at the new SpaceBurger King location:

  • Gooburger
  • Antigravity ChickenTron
  • Dehydrated Whopper Jr
  • Dry Ice Fries
  • Chocolate SpaceShakes

You should know that intergalactic commerce does not accept our puny Earth currency–orders must be paid for in Marklar, the official space dollar. One Gooburger is slated to cost you seven Marklar, while the price for one Dehydrated Whopper Jr is set at five Marklar.

Burger King President Bernardo Cheese indicates that another similar orbiting restaurant will soon be launched but this next one will look like an order of Chicken Fries. Other fast food chains are also planning their own spaced-out restaurants; some being designed with outdoor Kiddy Playlands.

FM Observer Soon Going 3-Dimensional

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The best website will soon become better.

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is proud to announce that it will soon become a 3-D website.

All past, present, and future posts will be presented in three dimensionality.

We have spent millions of dollars preparing our infrastructure for this exciting change.

All you have to do as readers is sit back and enjoy, while wearing 3-D glasses.

However, having a special 3-D computer and 3-D printer would certainly enhance your overall experience.

Eventually, the FM Observer will be four dimensional, but we need some time to make that happen.

Fargo’s Redhawks Just Hoping To Win A Game

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Bad start for Redhawks causes Hawkeye to throw his hands up!

Bad start for Redhawks causes Hawkeye to throw his hands up in disbelief!

Fargo, ND – With the Redhawks baseball team off to a rough start to their season, players and fans are now simply hoping to eventually win a game.

“We don’t care when it happens, just as long as we taste victory at some point during our 2015 season”, said one Redhawks player anonymously. “Almost winning just ain’t good enough.”

Hawkeye, the Redhawk’s award-winning mascot, is trying to stay optimistic amongst growing pessimism.

Beer sales at the games have actually increased during the team’s winless slump as fans try to dull the pain of too many errors made and not enough runs scored.