Fargo Shooting Park To Add Golf Driving Range

Leave a reply
Range

Shooting Driving Range

Fargo, ND—The Fargo Shooting Park has decided to jazz things up a bit with the implementation of a golf driving range. The shooting park is adding a golf ball dispenser, so bring your guns and your clubs along on your next visit.

“Anything you can shoot at, you can hit a golf ball at,” says park manager Sext Buttreal. “And anything you can hit a golf ball at, you can shoot at. Gun enthusiasts can shoot their bullets at balls or our stationary targets while golf enthusiasts can hit their balls at targets or the clay pigeons in our skeet shooting gallery. With the implementation of a golf driving range, we want to add some light-hearted fun to what is typically a very masculine and, at times, sinister practice.”

Gun enthusiasts are having mixed emotions. Park regular Pevit Gankwaiter doesn’t want golfers getting in the way of his target practice. “My rifle bullets might just find a golfer’s balls if you catch my drift.”

A shooting range and a driving range in one. What could go wrong? Park officials expect the range to be ready for golfers by the end of this century.

Condemned Grand Forks Castle Renting Out As Party House

Leave a reply
caption hier

Grand Forks Party Castle

Grand Forks, ND – An historic old building in Grand Forks which dates back to the Ming Dynasty, is now available for large, wild parties.

In the wake of the 1997 flood, the castle sustained enough damage for city authorities to condemn the place.

Rather than razing it and putting up a parking lot, a motivated group of creative fraternity brothers effectively changed some minds on this issue.

Even though the castle has no electricity, water, or working plumbing, it will be the perfect location for super large and crazy parties since it is virtually indestructible.

Book your event soon as dates are filling up quickly!

Fargo Airport To Allow Runway Drag Racing In Between Flights

Leave a reply
caption here

Racing On The Runways

Fargo, ND – In what some are calling a bold move, the Fargo Airport will soon allow street racing on the runways during times between flights.

“Rather than endangering people on the city streets, the long Hector Airport runways will be a much safer place for racers to prove themselves to their peers,” says Toby Duckworth of the Fargo Associated Street Trackers (FAST).

Air-traffic controllers will moonlight as race referees and declare all winners.

To begin with, there will be two FAST divisions: Funny Cars, and Non-Funny (or Serious) Cars.

All FAST races will either be between two cars or three cars, depending on the turnout.

There is also the possibility of cars racing against planes just taking off on the runway.

If you are interested in participating in the airport runway races, you can call Toby Duckworth, or just show up at the the Air-Traffic control parking lot and wait until your lucky number is called.

Local Large-Group Marriage Expected To Go To The Supreme Court

Leave a reply
caption here

Challenging the Definition of Marriage

Downer, MN – In the quaint Minnesota village of Downer (formerly known as Xanax), a large-group wedding of nine women and five men is expected to challenge the definition of marriage.

The recent marriage of fourteen (14) people to each other is unprecedented in the United States unless you include Arkansas.

The “Beaverton Group” (as they like to be called) has chosen a slogan for their upcoming legal battle: Onward Is Our Aim!

If you would like to kindly donate cookies for their upcoming bake sale to raise money in support of the Beaverton Group’s challenge to the definition of marriage, contact any of the nine (9) Beaverton wives for more details.

New Cheeseburger-Shaped Space Restaurant Ready To Serve

Leave a reply
caption here

Ready, Set, Blast Off to the new Burger King Space Station Restaurant!

Kennedy Space Center, FL – NASA and the Burger King Corporation are very proud to announce that their joint effort to put a Burger King restaurant into space orbit has finally been realized.

With today comes news that a flying Double Whopper® no tomato, no lettuce, extra cheese has been blasted into orbit. The aircraft, tentatively named SpaceBurger, is home for a brand new Burger King franchise that is scheduled to land on Mars in the year 2018.

Any asstronauts out for a leisurely spacewalk or hungry legal aliens who might be passing through our galaxy will be happily surprised to find a wide variety of zero-gravity fast-food offerings at the new SpaceBurger King location:

  • Gooburger
  • Antigravity ChickenTron
  • Dehydrated Whopper Jr
  • Dry Ice Fries
  • Chocolate SpaceShakes

You should know that intergalactic commerce does not accept our puny Earth currency–orders must be paid for in Marklar, the official space dollar. One Gooburger is slated to cost you seven Marklar, while the price for one Dehydrated Whopper Jr is set at five Marklar.

Burger King President Bernardo Cheese indicates that another similar orbiting restaurant will soon be launched but this next one will look like an order of Chicken Fries. Other fast food chains are also planning their own spaced-out restaurants; some being designed with outdoor Kiddy Playlands.

Fargo Man Discovers iPod’s Song Shuffle Algorithm

Leave a reply
Random...?

Random? Damn near killed him.

Fargo, ND—iPod owners will be quick to tell you that they love using the device’s “shuffle” feature to play a random assortment of music. It liberates the user from the responsibility of having to pick which songs they want to hear. This may seem random to you or me, but according to one area math wiz, it’s not.

Local Mathologist Dr. Bictor Tedhanger believes there’s something very specific about his iPod’s “shuffle” sequence. “Fact: What may seem like a completely random selection of songs is anything but. Fact. The sequence was quite easily solved, actually. Fact.” 

Bictor Tedhanger

Bictor Tedhanger

Tedhanger believes that Apple, in conjunction with the NSA and the CIA, is using your personal data to shuffle your song playback. “Fact: Computate the number of songs on your iPod. Multiply it by one million. Fact. Divide that total by the sum of the house number of the residence in which you currently live and the sum of the numbers in your date of birth. The resulting number rounded up to the nearest whole number divided by 3 is the number of spots in descending order in which the iPod skips songs. Fact.”

Representatives at Apple could not be reached to confirm or disconfirm these allegations. Is Tedhanger onto something or is he on something? What do you think? Does his math add up when shuffling on your iPod? Let us know in the comments section below!

FM Observer Soon Going 3-Dimensional

1 Reply
caption here

The best website will soon become better.

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is proud to announce that it will soon become a 3-D website.

All past, present, and future posts will be presented in three dimensionality.

We have spent millions of dollars preparing our infrastructure for this exciting change.

All you have to do as readers is sit back and enjoy, while wearing 3-D glasses.

However, having a special 3-D computer and 3-D printer would certainly enhance your overall experience.

Eventually, the FM Observer will be four dimensional, but we need some time to make that happen.

Fargo’s Redhawks Just Hoping To Win A Game

Leave a reply
Bad start for Redhawks causes Hawkeye to throw his hands up!

Bad start for Redhawks causes Hawkeye to throw his hands up in disbelief!

Fargo, ND – With the Redhawks baseball team off to a rough start to their season, players and fans are now simply hoping to eventually win a game.

“We don’t care when it happens, just as long as we taste victory at some point during our 2015 season”, said one Redhawks player anonymously. “Almost winning just ain’t good enough.”

Hawkeye, the Redhawk’s award-winning mascot, is trying to stay optimistic amongst growing pessimism.

Beer sales at the games have actually increased during the team’s winless slump as fans try to dull the pain of too many errors made and not enough runs scored.

Super Fans Will Blow Storm Clouds Away

Leave a reply
caption hier

Dr. Martin Zeeb proudly unveils his Super Fans.

Fanshawe, Oklahoma – The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) now possesses the capability of eliminating bad storm clouds.

A special team of scientists led by Dr. Martin Zeeb have finally perfected the means by which we can literally blow nasty clouds out of the sky.

Dr. Zeeb explains: “By using a series of massive high-tech fans, we can create a very focused wind vortex which will cause the dissipation of cloud formations.”

Testing went from computerized modeling to large indoor laboratories and finally culminated with full-scale outdoor trials.

Recent declassified test results show that these truck-mounted fans use space station technology to produce a maximal torque ratio not unlike a jet engine.

When no storm clouds are threatening, the fans can be rented to scare the living shit out of your friends while they unexpectedly sit comfortably in their tranquil homes.

Event: Weekly Spam Email Poetry Reading

Leave a reply
Help! Nigerian Inheritance Erection Insurance.

Help! Nigerian Inheritance Erection Insurance.

Fargo, ND—Spam email: the scourge of the inbox. We all get it. Some of us have even replied to one or two. Have you ever gotten a spam email so over-the-top you just had to share its contents? Did you ever feel like sharing that spam email in a jazzy nightclub setting? Then have we got the evening for you!

An exciting new event sponsored by the FM Observer is making its way to Thady’s Lounge on 6th St (next to the haunted mannequin warehouse). The F-M Orators Club is hosting a come-one-come-all Spam Email Poetry Reading every Thursday night at 7:00pm! 

Bring a collection of your zaniest spam emails to be read live onstage! Listen as folks hilariously recite the incoherent and oftentimes inexplicable requests contained in their Spam inbox! Witness as a pair of mimes provide a live reenactment of the spam email as it’s told by the reader! Actual spam is preferred, but original spam is encouraged. Write your own spam email and share it with the rest of the group, why don’t you?

Admission is free for this gawdy, awful event. BYOSpam. Emails can be read from your smartphone if you forget your printout. 

If You Go:

Where: Thady’s Lounge

When: Thursday nights at 7:00pm

Why: ??