Tag Archives: border

Loud Michael Bolton Music To Be Used At Southern Border To Dissuade Illegal Entries

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Large banks of speakers blasting Michael Bolton songs to be used to minimize illegal immigration.

Rio Grande, TX – Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States.

Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls.

U.S. Border Agents believe this new strategery will work well in preventing thousands of undocumented Democrats from entering our country illegally.

The following list of Michael Bolton songs will be played loudly from large banks of speakers all along the southern border since they have shown to be especially effective at driving people away:

◘ When A Man Loves A Woman
◘ If You Don’t Know Me By Now
◘ How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
◘ Said I Loved You But I Lied
◘ How Can We Be Lovers
◘ Can I Touch You There?
◘ Sexual Healing
◘ I’ll Never Love This Way Again
◘ Ain’t Got Nothing If You Ain’t Got Love
◘ I’m Your Puppet

President Trump Orders Up Some Hurricanes To Dissuade Caravan Of Illegals

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Willa the Caravan make it to the USA despite President Trump’s pair of hurricanes?

Mexico City – As part of Project Dissuasion, President Trump ordered up two hurricanes in an effort to prevent The Caravan from reaching the United States.

Working in close conjunction with the National Hurricane Center, President Trump requested that two new hurricanes be created to hit Mexico as a “welcome present“ to those who would attempt to enter the U.S. illegally.

Algore OKed the request saying that he and President Trump made the deal involving a large purchase of Algore’s Climate Change Carbon Credits in exchange for the hurricanes.

Currently (and by design), both Hurricane Willa and Hurricane Vicente are on track to directly hit The Caravan before it reaches America.

President Trump while playing golf: “If they decide to enter our country legally, instead of illegally, then we’ll cancel the two hurricanes, but for now we’ll just wait and see what happens.“

New Game Show On Fox Called “Find Your Parents” To Be Hosted By Roseanne Barr

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¿Eres mi mamá? ¿Eres mi papá?

Brownsville, TX – The Fox Channel believes it has a new hit game show called “Find Your Parents”.

Immigrant children who have recently been separated from their parent(s) while illegally crossing the southern U.S. border will have a chance to be reunited with their families in a fun game show setting.

The inimitable Roseanne Barr has agreed to host the show on Fox after her previous show on ABC got cancelled in the wake of her alleged rant of racist tweets on Twitter.

Roseanne: “Yeah, not only will I have a job again, but I can also help these little niños from Mexico find their mommies and daddies now that President Trump has allowed these families to get back together. So, this is going to be really great!”

Canada Building Wall To Keep Out Mericans And Mexicans

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The Walling Of Canada, eh?

Ottawa, Ontario – While the United States continues its never-ending debate about building a wall on its southern border, Canada is actually beginning to build a wall on its southern border.

Another northwestern wall is being built to divide Canada and Alaska.

Jan-Panko LaPlonk, the Canadian Grand Deputy Prime Minister of Border Security, says: “Well, we think it’s a good idea, eh?”

The Great Wall of Canada will run about 5,500 miles, equaling the length of the Great Wall of China.

The Great Wall of Canada will cross fields, forests, mountains, great lakes, highways, hockey arenas, and living rooms.

UPDATE: With the election of Donald Trump as the next US president, Canada is now working double-time to finish building the wall along their Southern border. They also say that the United States will pay for their wall.

Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border

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Rabbits to the rescue!

Rabbits to the rescue!

Rabbit, Texas – The president has announced executive orders which will result in special teams of feral rabbits soon being dispatched to the southern U.S. border.

This will be part of an overall coordinated federal ground effort to get an emergency handle on the continuous influx of undocumented Democrats flowing into the United States from Latin American countries.

Captain Jack Leporine is the top commander of this newly created division of feral rabbit agents.

“These formerly wild rabbits will be highly trained and totally ready for action” pledges Captain Jack. “Think of them as elite armed soldiers that are as fast as a jackrabbit but as quiet as a mouse.”

Captain Jack also likes that they are very easily trainable to carry out any orders with feral federal precision. Based on their trainability, the feral rabbits beat out a number of other animal species that were being considered for this unique mission: pigs, sheep, elephants, and chimpanzees.

Captain Jack: “And as a bonus, these rabbits are simple enough to feed because they can survive by just eating any sort of grass, but of course, they prefer lettuce or carrots.”