Tag Archives: brazil

Brazil President-Elect A Little Too Obsessed With Sexual Education

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Jair Bolsonaro poking fun at his rival Fernando Haddad, “the gay kit candidate”

Riberao Preto, BRAZIL – From our southerly American neighbor Brazil comes news at the forefront of their political landscape. President-elect Jair Bolsonaro, on the tail of a victorious Trump-like campaign, remains infatuated with what he insists the schoolchildren of Brazil were poised to fall victim to: the Gay Kit.

Bolsonaro obsessing over the gay kit in front of millions of TV viewers

According to Bolsonaro, his political opponent Fernando Haddad tried implementing some over-the-top school curriculum during his time in congress. The children’s book Aparelho Sexual e Cia, Um Guia Inusitado Para Crianças Descoladas which roughly translates to Sexual Apparatus and Stuff, An Unusual Guide for School Children, had been Bolsonaro’s prime focus for months during the campaign.

This, among a plethora of other books and props, comprised what Bolsonaro labeled the “gay kit”. He claims that this “gay kit” would have been used to teach kids homosexuality seven years ago if congressman Haddad had his way. Now, even after using it to demoralize his opponent which ultimately led to his winning the election, Bolsonaro cannot stop talking about it.

Having a little fun with the Gay Kit. The finger through the hole becomes a pee-pee.

 

Global Warming Changing Algore Into A Reptile

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Algore is now becoming Lizard Man!?

Lizarda, Brazil – While in South America giving speeches about Global Warming, Algore has reportedly begun changing into what appears to be a reptile.

Local Brazilian newspapers are now referring to the Climate Change expert as “Homem Lagarto” (Lizard Man).

Some believe that the warmer climate is changing the former vice president into a reptilian human lizard while others think he may have been bitten by a rabid lizard during a jungle camping expedition into the Amazon rain forest.

What do you think about this?

Do you believe in Herpetology?

Are you for or against Global Warming?

Where do you see yourself in 100 years?

Are you willing to fight for peace?

Lyan Lochte Falsely Reports That Zika Caused His Hair Color Change

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Lochte’s hair reportedly changed color prematurely after the Zika Virus held a gun to his head while drunk in a gas station bathroom.

Lochte Lomond, CA – Ryan Lochte who first reported that his hair changed color after becoming infected with the Zika Virus now admits that he personally dyed his hair while drunk at a gas station bathroom in Rio.

After sobering up back in the Olympic Village, Lochte’s wallet somehow was found inside his mother’s purse which were both discovered by a security guard at a gas station bathroom in Des Moines, Iowa.

Lochte also confessed to adding toxic green algae to the Olympic diving pool on a dare from his swimmates Jack Congo, Gunner Bends, and Jimmy Fallon.

Subsequent to serving time in a Brazilian prison for conduct unbecoming of an Olympic athlete, Lyan Ryan Lochte plans to permanently move to Brazil since becoming good friends with some of the Brazilian police officers who investigated this truly bizarre case.

Zika Test Now Available

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Thankfully, a new Zika Test is now available to help fight against the Zika Virus Disease.

Bismarck, ND – A new Zika Test is now available. Most of the test results so far have been quite negative. State epidemiologists are hoping for more positive results in the future. In cooperation with the FM Observer, Dr. Carola Runquist has put together this simple, new Zika Test which can be self-administered in the privacy of your own home.

Zika Test

1. What is Zika?
A: A new dance craze from Brazil.
B: Ford’s new hybrid car.
C: A popular dog name.
D: Something that is very, very bad.

2. How did Zika get the name Zika?
A: From King Zika, inventor of the hammock.
B: During a scramble game in Florida.
C: From the phrase: Zika solution to the problem.
D: Name of a forest in Uganda.

3. What does Zika stand for?
A: Zoom In, Kick Ass
B: Zombies Imbibe Kool Aid
C: Zambian International Knife Association
D: Zika Invasion Killing America

4. When/How was Zika first discovered?
A: During the 1951 filming of ‘African Queen’.
B: When Columbus discovered America.
C: By accident at 3M’s Post-it Division.
D: By a captive sentinel rhesus monkey in 1947.

5. What does Zika cause?
A: Microcephaly.
B: Adult paralysis.
C: Societal panic.
D: All of the above.

6. How is Zika carried/transmitted?
A: Through the U.S. Postal Service.
B: Over talk-show radio waves.
C: By Amazon delivery drones.
D: By amazon mosquitos.

7. Where does Zika occur?
A: At pinochle tables in retirement homes.
B: In co-ed dorms of state universities.
C: Deep within the Earth where fracking occurs.
D: At mosquito-infested tropical resorts.

8. How do people catch Zika?
A: By sneaking up on it with a large butterfly net.
B: With a glove while sitting in the foul ball section.
C: By using high-speed cameras while sitting in trees.
D: Bitten by mosquitos that also carry chikungunya.

9.What are the symptoms of Zika?
A: Weight gain after joining Weight Watchers with Oprah.
B: Violent shaking followed by periods of extreme agitation.
C: Dryness of humor along with wetness of socks.
D: Pyrexia, arthralgia, conjunctivitis, and lethargy.

10. How is Zika treated?
A: With as much respect as possible.
B: As if human survival depends on it.
C: Suggested daily trips to the Dairy Queen.
D: With pain meds, rest, and drinking plenty o’ water.

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The answers to all twelve questions is shown on this stone obelisk.

11. What can I do to protect myself?
A: Wear a hazmat suit at all times.
B: Sign up for LifeLock Ultimate Plus.
C: Watch Dr. Oz Show every day.
D: Prevent getting bitten by mosquitos.

12. Should I avoid travelling to Zika areas?
A: Concentrate and ask again.
B: Better not tell you now.
C: Reply hazy, try again.
D: Signs point to Yes.

FMO’s Dr. Willy Nilly Announces He’s Permanently Moving To Brazille

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Dr. Willy Nilly Moving 2 Brazilly

Rio de Janeiro, Braziliana – Our long-time friend and consultant, Dr. Willy Nilly, who’s been helping out the FM Observer for many moons, has finally decided to call it quits and move on into the next chapter of his postcocious life!

Dr. Willy Nilly’s Official Statement:

My time working with this crazy FM Observer funsite, which has almost been the best part of my life, so far, will sadly soon be coming to a end. The next phase of my life will be spent down in Brazille. Leaves have fallen all around, and it’s time I was on my way. Thanks to you, I’m much obliged for such a pleasant stay. But now it’s time for me to go. The winter moon lights my way. For now I smell the snow, it’s time to go, and I need to leave Fargo. Sometimes I grow so tired, but I know I’ve got one thing I got to do: Ramble On! And now’s the time, the time is now, to sing my song! I’m going around the world, I got to find my girl, on my way. I’ve been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On! Gotta find the Queen of all my dreams. Got no time for spreadin’ roots. The time has come to be gone. And to our health we drank a thousand times, it’s time to Ramble On! Ramble On! And now’s the time, the time is now, to sing my song. I’m goin’ down to Brazille, I got to find my girl. So, I’ll be on my way. Good bye, FM Observer!

Dr. Willy Nilly’s FMO Posts:

Ticks Are Bad For WE Fest

Basic Crash Course On Phlebitis

Fifa World Cup 2014 Brazil

Screen Actors Guild To Watch The 2014 FIFA World Cup Closely

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Fifa World Cup 2014 BrazilBrazil – The Screen Actors Guild, which includes popular actors such as Alec Baldwin and Sean Penn, will be watching the 2014 FIFA World Cup extra closely this year.

The 2014 World Cup games are finally underway.  Millions of fans will be either be attending the games in person or watching them on their television sets.  The screen actors guild, on the advice of Alec Baldwin, will pay extra attention to the games this year in the hopes of finding the next crop of best actors.

They state that soccer players may be the best non-professional, undiscovered, amateur actors out there due to their nature of faking dramatic penalties.

Alec Baldwin and Sean Penn have agreed to attend every game in the hopes of recruiting these amateur actors into the Screen Actors Guild.

They stated they are looking to increase S.A.G membership numbers and soccer is the best sport to recruit from besides maybe basketball.