Tag Archives: cancellation

FM Observer’s First Annual Panicfest Cancelled Due To Lack Of Toilet Paper

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You can’t spell “pandemic” with “panic”!

Fargo, ND – What was to be a celebratory reminder to everyone to not panic during a Global Pandemic has been cancelled due to lack of toilet paper.

Panicfest organizers made the tough decision to cancel the first annual event after realizing that the number of available rolls of toilet paper for sale in the region is now down to zero.

Had the event not been cancelled, Panicfest attendees were going to be asked to group themselves into clusters of nine in order to not break the Gathering Of 10+ rule.

Here are the six things to do in order to maximize your chances of survival during a Global Pandemic:

1. Don’t panic!

2. If you do panic, certainly don’t freak out.

3. Stockpile toilet paper next to your Bible and guns.

4. Organize your liquor cabinet alphabetically.

5. Put everything you touch into its own separate zip-lock bag.

6. If someone comes near you, call 9-1-1.

Solar Eclipse Cancelled As Some Find It To Be Offensive

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Since it’s a religious experience to some, others find solar eclipse to be offensive to their beliefs.

Sunbeam, Idaho – So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities.

While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of religious leaders cried foul.

One politician wearing a Donald Trump mask in order to remain anonymous explained that by officially cancelling the solar eclipse, his chances of getting re-elected next year might improve with the voters in his district.

So, for all of you who purchased special glasses from Amazon for watching the solar eclipse, it’s not too late to return those via drone.

Now that the eclipse has officially been cancelled, this will give the country more time to tear down more monuments to our offensive past such as the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument. Oh, and Mount Rushmore, you can run but you can’t hide, because they’re coming for you too.

Cancellation Of UND Women’s Hockey Was Just A Bad April Fool’s Joke

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UND sincerely apologizes for joking that the Women’s Hockey program had been cancelled.

Grand Forks, ND – As many expected, the recent announcement that the famed UND Women’s Hockey program at the University of North Dakota was just a complete fake-news hoax.

It turns out that the university’s decision makers simply wanted to play a big joke on the top-notch world-class Women’s Hockey program but did not think that anyone would believe it.

But unfortunately, they took the joke too far and everyone including the Women’s Hockey Team and coaches all believed the poorly-planned hoax which its perpetrators now admit was very “mean and stupid”.

Even though the UND Women’s Hockey program has actually not been cancelled, there is one bit of follow-up news that might turn a few heads: The UND Men’s Hockey program will be cancelled due to financial problems at the school, along with the fact that they recently suffered a stunning double-overtime loss to Boston University in Fargo.