Tag Archives: retirement fund

At Zeitgeist Funeral Home, We Put The “Fun” In Funerals!

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We put the Fun in Funeral!

West Fargo, ND – Gone are the days when funerals were melancholy, mournful, and morose.

Zeitgeist Funeral Home believes funerals should be a fun celebration.

Dr. Agustine Elefritz created Zeitgeist Funeral Home to put some serious fun into serious funerals.

“At Zeitgeist, we don’t see why funerals can’t have some colorful balloons and streamers, along with happy upbeat music and fun games that make people feel good,” says Dr. Elefritz.

Zeitgeist Funeral Home offers many different Fun Packages from which to choose.

Dr. Elefritz tells people that “if you want a funeral that is dark and somber, go somewhere else. But if you want a kick-ass fun funeral that everyone will remember for weeks, then just give us folks at Zeitgeist Funeral Home a quick buzz from your cell.”

Somewhat expectedly, all of the letters in “Agustine Elefritz” can be funly re-arranged to spell: Zeitgeist Funeral!

Gang Signs Causing Fights Between Rival Retirement Homes

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Some retirement homes in Fargo are “not to be messed with” due to suspicious gang activities.

Fargo, ND – Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become “problematical”.

Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at Purgatory Senior Living.

“We’re not sure how this whole thing got started but we do know it cannot keep on escalating like it has been without a bloody full-blown gang fight breaking out sometime soon,” offers Police officer Lt. Greg Greeno, who’s been assigned to this case.

Retirement home managers are considering searching resident rooms in search of weapons that could be used in a gang fight such as wooden spoons, rolled up newspapers, and even toothbrushes.

For now, you are being asked to stay away from Death Valley Retirement Home as well as Purgatory Senior Living until tensions can be ratcheted down a bit.

If you are going to visit a loved one who happens to be a gang member at one of these retirement homes, please pay attention to any gang signs you observe during your visit and report them immediately to the authorities.

Tax On Christmas Trees To Go Directly To Obama Retirement Fund

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Triple the cost = Triple the joy

Christmas, FL – It’s about that time of year again to go buy a Christmas tree for your ho-ho-home.

Most of Santa’s helpers will be purchasing a real tree, that died for your sins.

Others will be bringing home an artificial tree made from unknown toxic chemicals in some polluted Chinese factory.

Either way, expect the final cost of your Christmas tree to be tripled thanks to President Obama’s Christmas Tree Tax.

Here’s how it works: Let’s say for example, a Christmas tree that normally would have cost $50 will now only cost you a mere $150.

In the name of Climate Change, this past executive order by former President Obama will provide him and his family a nice, much-needed, and much-deserved Christmas bonus each and every Christmas for the rest of their lives.