Tag Archives: tournament

Man’s Death Blamed On Panic Attack Caused By Extreme Frustration During Jigsaw Puzzle Tournament

It may take weeks to put together the pieces of this puzzling death.

Fargo, ND – What began as a potentially fun afternoon gradually swirled into a personal implosion for one jigsaw puzzle tournament participant.

Mr. Lemm TweedClopton entered the annual jigsaw puzzle tournament with high hopes of possibly finishing in the Top Five people to successfully complete a very challenging jigsaw puzzle in one very intense race against time.

Mr. TweedClopton had not done very well in past tournaments but regular practice sessions seemed to have indicated some improvement.

Shortly after the tournament’s starting bell, Lemm began experiencing a major panic attack caused by extreme frustration from not being able to get any of the puzzle pieces to fit together.

When the ambulance showed up minutes later, Mr. Lemm TweedClopton was pronounced dead, but the actual cause of death remains puzzling.

Unfortunately for him, all of the letters in Lemm TweedClopton can be re-pieced together to spell: Complete Meltdown!

Golf Tournament Pummeled With Watermelon-Sized Hail

This is what was left of the 18th green after watermelon-sized hail destroyed an entire golf course.

Golfball, USA – During a recent golf tournament, players and fans were stunned when hail the size of watermelons began to pound the entire golf course area.

Some people were hit by the melon balls while others hid under smashed cars and behind damaged trees.

“I was like totally freaking out by what was happening around me,” said one person who seemed to be totally freaking out by what was happening.

After the hail storm passed, what used to look like a golf course now looked more like a watermelon field.

Dr. Melonie Haley who works at the Hail Educational Learning Program (HELP) says it is theoretically possible for watermelon-sized hail to fall from the sky but admits she is also quite freaked out by this freak storm which reeked havoc on a golf tournament.

Lesson Learned: When it rains watermelons, make watermelon margaritas.

Professional Bowler Stuns Crowd During Regional Championship Tournament

Pro bowler accidentally chucks ball up into ceiling but still manages to win the tournament!

Fargo, ND While professional bowler Norm Duke Jr. was competing in the Midwest Regional bowling tournament at The Bowler in Fargo, an unfortunate mishap ruined what looked to be a near-perfect game.

Perhaps because of unchecked tournament nerves, or maybe it was because his controlling motherinlaw was in the crowd watching, Norm Duke Jr. somehow chucked the ball up into the ceiling at the start of the tenth frame of his final game.

The good news is that the ball did eventually return to him so that he could go on to pick up all ten pins up for a spare and win the tournament!

The bad news is that Norm Duke Jr. had to give his entire tournament winnings to The Bowler to repair all of the damage done by his wayward sixteen pound ball.

Norm Duke Jr. on his amazing win: “If the word ‘quit’ is in your vocabulary, then the words ‘finish’ and ‘strong’ are likely not. I’m just so very glad I was able to finish strong today.”

Norm Duke Sr. on his son’s amazing win: “When things sometime seem bleak, they can always get more bleaker, or less bleaker, which was the case today, thank God!”

Fargo Bocce Ball Tournament To Raise Money For Its Organizers

Who will be Fargo’s Bocce Ball Champ?

Fargo, ND – A city-wide bocce ball tournament will be held as a fund raiser for the personal gain of its organizers.

With an entrance fee of only $50, the tournament could raise approximately $6.5 million if enough people sign up to fill the single-elimination tournament’s giant bracket of 131,072 contestants.

After eight rounds of highly competitive bocce ball, the surviving 512 players will battle it out for another eight rounds, to get down to the final two contestants.

After 17 total rounds of bocce ball games (each to 16 points), a Fargo Bocce Ball Champion will be crowned.

Prizes, if any, have not yet been determined. First prize could possibly be a trip to Grand Forks (no expenses paid). Second prize could possibly be two trips to Grand Forks (no expenses paid), and so on, and so forth.

New Tiger Woods Invitational Golf Tournament Only For Legally Drunk Players

Sometime being legally drunk can actually help your golf game. –Tiger Woods

Jupiter, Florida – The King of modern golf says it is time for him to start his own invitational golf tournament.

Tiger Woods says his new PGA tourney shall be called the Tiger Woods DUI Invitational.

Each participant will be required to consume enough adult beverages prior to each round of golf in order to be considered legally drunk by trained highway patrol officers.

Once each player’s blood alcohol level is at or above the legal limit for blood alcohol content, they will be allowed to tee off in groups of fore.

Tiger Woods: “I think this will be a real good test to see how players can handle normal adversity which is part of most people’s daily lives.”

The grand prize for the Tiger Woods DUI Invitational will be a hot new car and a full case of Mondavi red wine.

Golfer Ian Poultergeist Somehow Got Trapped In A Television Set

Ian Poultergeist trapped in this TV.

Buckinghamshire, England – Professional golfer Ian Poultergeist who is known for his bold fashion has somehow gotten trapped in an old television set.

Mr. Poultergeist: “Yes, I am definitely trapped in this TV and cannot seem to figure a way out.”

Becoming trapped in a television set is quite uncommon but has been known to happen from time to time, especially in England.

Cable Company: “We don’t know where Mr. Poultergeist is but would like to ask if you’d like to upgrade to our Premium Package.”

Ian Poultergeist’s golf caddie says Ian will continue to play in all upcoming tournaments that Ian has had scheduled for the 2017 season.

Mr. Poultergeist: “To all my fans: Hello and I’m fine. To everyone: Please help me find a way out of this Telly!”

Dolphin Correctly Picks Every Game In First Two Rounds Of March Madness

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Debbie predicted that Michigan State and Xavier were going down!

Dolphin, Virginia – A smiling dolphin named Debbie successfully beat the odds and picked every game correctly in the first two rounds of the 2016 NCAA Basketball Tournament.

The exact number of different combinations for just Round One’s 32 games is 2 to the power of 32 which comes out to: 4,294,967,296!

Even tho there were only five big “upsets” in Rounds 1 & 2 based on seeding numbers, Debbie had chosen the following five teams to lose: #2 Michigan State, #3 West Virginia, #4 California, #3 Utah, and #2 Xavier. At the time she made her picks, Debbie’s trainers thought she was crazy.

Debbie has also made her picks for the rest of the March Madness Tournament. Even though there are 32,768 different combinations of winners for the remaining 15 games, Debbie seems quite confident that she knows what the hell she’s doing.

Besides picking basketball games, Debbie can also play basketball. She has a mean reverse lay-up and is deadly from 3-point land.

Try-Outs Now Open For Fargo’s New Table Tennis Team

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Ping Pong: A serious sport for some serious fun.

Fargo, ND – As the sport of table tennis continues to grow in popularity world-wide, Fargo is being proactive to stay ahead of the competition.

Just as Fargo has its own baseball, hockey, and roller derby teams, the forward-looking city is beginning to put together an official Fargo Table Tennis Team.

By gathering the best of the best from our wonderfully diverse community, Fargo seeks to dominate any and all other cities and towns who dare to put forth their own table tennis teams.

The Chinese call it “Ping Pong” while everyone who participates just calls it “fun“.

No matter if you’re male or female, young or old, if you think you have what it takes to make the Fargo Table Tennis Team, watch for more information on leagues and tournaments that will ultimately determine the proud members of Fargo’s elite Table Tennis Team.

For anyone who likes to brainstorm, the team will also need an official name and logo!