Tag Archives: turkey

Moorhead’s Turkey Mitigation Program Getting High Marks

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Let’s Talk Turkey!

Moorhead, MN – The City of Moorhead is having a special all-city meeting to talk turkey.

With a problematic over-abundance of wild turkeys, all options are on the table.

Option #1: Turkey Adoption Program (TAP) would ask Moorhead residents to adopt one (1) wild turkey and keep it in the confines of their fenced back yard with the idea that if kept apart, there would be less wild turkeys in the future.

Option #2: Slingshot some of Moorhead’s wild turkeys into Fargo with the idea being: Out of sight. Out of mind. Out of Moorhead!

Option #3: Market Moorhead Turkey Jerky at all the local convenience stores with the idea that if you can’t beat them, then just eat them. (Another variation here would be for Moorhead to celebrate Thanksgiving monthly.)

Option #4: Gather up all the wild turkeys and turn them into Wild Turkey Bourbon to be used as the centerpiece of Moorhead’s Annual Wild Turkey Bourbon Fest.

Try This FMO Family Tradition Whilst Enjoying Your Thanksgiving Day Togetherness

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After you tell someone how they can improve, they should just say: Thank You!

Fargo, ND – On this blessed day of Thanksgiving, the FM Observer family would like to share a very old tradition that has been passed down to us from our four-fathers and four-mothers, and from theirs before them.

Whilst gathered round the feast table enjoying all the same old recipes as last year, gradually go around and have each person tell someone else at the table one way that they can improve them self.

To which the only allowable answer is just: Thank You!

And then that person gets to do the same to another, and so on, and so forth. Round and round we go. Where it stops, nobody knows.

The FM Observer truly hopes you try this as a way of not only bringing your family closer together, but also as an overall way of improving society in general, during these trying times of survival on Planet Earth.

Things North Dakotans Have To Be Thankful For

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Thanks for Thanksgiving!

West Fargo, ND – After a comprehensive state-wide survey, your FM Observer has painstakingly compiled a list of things for which North Dakotans have to be thankful.

So, as you gather round your Thanksgiving dinner table and first go around the table to say what each one is thankful for, you can either memorize some of the following, or simply take out your smartphone and read this list straight off our website.

Things To Be Thankful For If You Live In North Dakota:

1. An upcoming Bison football championship
2. Sanford’s New Level I Trauma Center
3. Our state is a Tsunami-free zone
4. The fabulous Medora Musical
5. That Canada is our neighbor
6. Jamestown’s State Hospital
7. Happy Harry’s Bottle Shop
8. Too Tall Tom Szymanski
9. We’re not South Dakota
10. Horizontal Fracking
11. Global Warming
12. NFL Football
13. Legalize ND
14. The Ralph
15. Cara Mund

Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes

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Moorhead Police give thanks for Turkey Police assistance.

Moorhead’s Turkey Police leading a patrol car to solve a heretofore previously unsolved crime.

Moorhead, MN – If you see small groups of turkeys along the Red River in Moorhead, chances are the police will not be far behind.

Moorhead Police are now using domesticated, trained wild turkeys to solve many heretofore previously unsolved crimes.

Recently, Moorhead’s Turkey Police led patrol cars right to the front door of Mr. Marvin Shellhammer who had unknowingly vandalized some property while the Turkey Police Officers were watching him.

Officer Ray Dookins: “These turkeys are great for solving crimes because they have extremely strong mental focus almost like a sixth sense. And plus, it will be real nice to have them around for Thanksgiving.”

Google’s New 3-D Printer Can Print An Edible Roasted Turkey

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If eating is believing, then try this!

Turkeyfoot, PA – Leave it to Google to take 3-D printing to the next level.

After some Germans were able to first print edible gummy bears with a 3-D printer, Google has now perfected the ability to 3-D print a ready-to-eat, hot, roasted turkey, just like the one grandma used to pull out of the oven for Thanksgiving.

University of Pennsylvania’s Senior Fellow, Dr. Walter Vonderpluke has been heading up the turkey testing for Google’s 3-D Printing Division: “In my opinion, this Google turkey is very succulent and quite delectable. In a word, ambrosia! To be honest, I cannot believe it was printed with a 3-D printer.”

For those who already own a 3-D printer, simply download the free Google Turkey App and hit the Start button. You and your family will have a beautiful, ready-to-carve, 16 pound Thanksgiving turkey in about 18 minutes.

For those who do not already own a 3-D printer, Santa has been notified.

With Turkey Shortage From Bird Flu, Many Opting For Emu On Thanksgiving Table

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Give thanks with an emu.

Birdseye, Utah – After losing millions of turkeys to the avian flu, the resulting turkey shortage is causing many to seek an alternative for their traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

At the very first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims had to settle for eating turkey which were in abundance, while their first choice, the emu, was not to be found in North America at that time.

Now the tables have turned. Emu ranchers who are long on emu are providing stores with a wonderful alternative to the traditional turkey.

In order to roast an emu, you will need an oven about the size of a Yugo. Whereas one turkey feeds a family of five, one emu will feed a family of fifteen (or two families of seven and a half).

Emu cooking tips can be found at this website.

For anyone interested in becoming an emu rancher, please contact Dr. Dromornithids and mention that you read this article to receive two free emus as a starter pack to get things going.

For Thanksgiving, Win Your Family A Trip To Turkey!

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Four free nights for a family of four at the Grand Turkey Hotel.

4 nights 4 a family of 4 at the Grand Turkey Hotel!

Fatsa, Turkey – Readers of the FM Observer are invited to submit their application for a trip-of-a-lifetime to Turkey for Thanksgiving.

In your application, briefly explain why you and your family should be selected for this most special holiday trip to the homeland of the Turkey.

The chosen winning family will stay at a 3-star hotel and provided a full turkey dinner each and every day, cooked just the way the locals have eaten it for centuries.

If it’s not raining, travel the picturesque countryside being pulled by horse on a hay wagon while being serenaded by hand-made mandolins.

Stop to purchase spices ground in mortar and pestles dating back to the Byzantine Empire.

Everything included, the trip will only cost you $3,850 per person, not including U.S. and Turkish duty taxes, and plus a 15% finder’s fee for the FM Observer.

Start packing your bags because the time is now, and the place is Turkey!