Tag Archives: twilight zone

West Fargo Couple Dies In Car While Waiting For Traffic Light To Turn Green

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When the red light finally turned green, both the driver and passenger were no more.

West Fargo, ND – In a stunningly slow turn of events, an older West Fargo couple died while waiting for a red light to turn green.

Leth and Helt Ringgold had pulled up to a red traffic light which recently had been having some functionality “issues”.

Unfortunately for the Ringgolds, the red light took an extraordinarily long time to change to green.

By the time they finally got the signal to proceed through the intersection, both Leth and Helt Ringgold had passed on, gone bye-bye, kicked the bucket, gone upstairs, breathed their last, met their maker, checked out, bit the dust.

The West Fargo Street Department has apologized for this sad mishap and promised to check each and every traffic light to make sure something like this does not happen again.

Interestingly, both Leth Ringgold and Helt Ringgold can be re-arranged into: Long Red Light!

Cigar-Shaped Alien Spacecraft Actually A Large French Bread Heading For Fargo

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Mr. Hankey believes this is indeed an alien spacecraft based on the fact that it actually has functional headlights.

Oumuamua, Hawaii – The FM Observer is proudly excited to exclusively report that we have just received confirmation from Mr. Hankey that the large meteor which is on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota is actually an alien spacecraft disguised as a giant French bread even though CNN has been referring to it as one of Bill Clinton’s wayward cigars.

Mr. Hankey in his own words: “By using special equipment at our FM Observatory on Hawaii, we have noticed that the alien French bread not only has headlights, but they are actually turned on, and aiming directly at Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Not only that, but we have also picked up radio waves from this French bread which seem to be continually broadcasting Rush Limbaugh’s theme song, intermittently interrupted with a high-pitched voice asking for a secret meeting with Donald Trump and his son-in-law.”

Because of this new revelation, special counsel Robert Mueller now believes President Trump (with some assistance from Stephen Hawking) has been colluding with aliens, which are seemingly on a collision course with Fargo, North Dakota, whilst travelling at the speed of bread inside a large French-made spacecraft waiting to be lit like a Clintonian cigar.

Fargo City Commission To Re-Define Integration Goals Within Zones Of Proximity

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Fargo’s High Court seen here in their formal choral robes for an important singing engagement prior to voting on Fargo’s Zones of Proximity.

Fargo, ND – With the hot issue of Fargo’s Zones of Proximity heating up, the City Commission’s High Court is trying to establish its integration goals to stay ahead of this contentious issue.

Lord Ducchess DuCant of Willow Grove is spear-heading the effort by proposing a two-part package of incentives designed to have Fargo’s Zones of Proximity self-regulate themselves much like a flock of camels.

High Judge Duke Westmire of Pingsly Park prefers a more strong-arm approach while believing integration goals should mirror state standards thus promoting collective improvements for current Zones of Proximity.

Meanwhile, you can expect to see more sign-waving protesting mobs on both sides of this divisive issue as Dr. Fred Jones, a national leader and the originator of Proxemics, is being brought in by Lutheran Social Services to stir things up a bit.

How do you feel about Fargo having Zones of Proximity?

Do you think it would help to have well-defined integration goals?

Or, should the City Commissioners spend their time on other issues such naming a new Sister City in Africa, or perhaps change Fargo’s name back to what it originally was: Centralia!

Santa’s Deliveries In Jeopardy As Rudolph Has Chronic Wasting Disease

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Rudolph is sick and Santa has irritable bowel syndrome.

Rudolph is sick with Chronic Wasted Disease as is evidenced by the dark spots on his ears, antlers, and nose.

North Pole, Alaska – Christmas authorities are expressing serious concern over a recent report from SantaLand that Rudolph is suffering from the dreaded Chronic Wasting Disease.

Tis believed that Rudolph may have contracted this often fatal disease while partying with an outside herd at the Extreme Reindeer Games in Asspen, Colocado.

A snowy Santa spokeself sadly said that “Rudolph has been acting much like a couch potato lately, just laying around all the time, munching on Pringles Sour Cream Potato Chips and watching endless reruns of the Twilight Zone.”

As such, hundreds of the “nice” children around the world may not be getting any presents delivered from the real Santa this Christmas.

Of course, all the “naughty” children wouldn’t have gotten anything anyway so this doesn’t really affect them, now, does it?