Crookston, MN – Bishop Michael Hoeppner, head of the Catholic Diocese of Crookston is coming to the rescue. Bishop Michael has stated that he has seen the destruction and carnage strikes and disputes can cause.
“I’ve seen this before” Bishop Hoeppner stated. “You have two groups that disagree for so long they end up wanting to kill each other. I’ve seen it in the movies.” That’s why it’s important to pray that such conflicts don’t arise out of the dispute between American Crystal Co. and the Bakery Workers union, he said.
It’s been nearly 10 months since union members rejected Crystal management’s proposed five-year contract. The bishop is hosting a prayer service Sunday in Crookston, MN and will be inviting his own gang members Bishop Larry Wohlrabe of the Northwestern Minnesota Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and the Rev. Daniel Wolpert of Crookston Presbyterian Church.
He stated that in case things get out of hand, he will at least have more priests on his side to fight the resistance. “I might have to end up using my mind powers and the power of prayer to fight back if trouble were to arise” he stated.
One thing he did want to make sure everyone is aware of is that there will be donation boxes every 10ft on the way to the church. “Jesus needs a new car” he said.
If you go
What: Prayer service for the resolution of the American Crystal labor dispute
When: 7 p.m. Sunday
Where: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, 702 Summit Ave. in Crookston
Info: Everyone is welcome (bring your wallets preferably with a lot of money)
Super AIDS, living zombies, stupid fucks breeding in record numbers, Alotta Fagina the local prostitute who can’t perform her job in peace and quiet without getting arrested, are a few other prayer service ideas.
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