Summer Fashion Tips

May 21st, 2013 | by Cody Marthaller

Fargo, ND – Summer is right around the corner.  Are you aware of what you wear?  Do you know what’s ‘IN’ as far as fashion goes?  Follow these summer fashion tips and you will feel too cool for school.  You will be the person people flock to everyday just so they can bask in your presence and awesome hip fashion prowess.

 

1. Jean Shorts or ‘Jorts’

 

Mens Jean Shorts - Jorts

You think these are just for children, NASCAR fans or old dads?  Wrong!  Having a few pairs of these in your wardrobe is a must.

**A braided leather belt compliments these very well.

**Favorite past time is drinking copious amounts of alcohol while only wearing these.

**If bleach or chlorine happens to fall on them, leave it.  You just transformed them into cool acid wash jeans which are so in.

**Wearing sandals with socks is a perfect complement to jorts.

 

2. Mom Jeans

Mom Jeans

These were cool before the ‘Pink’ brand started being plastered on young and middle aged women’s butts.  Mom jeans in the rear represent an upside down heart shape.  Now if that doesn’t make your ass hot I don’t know what will.

They also sometimes cover that unsightly belly button of yours.  They must be worn half way up your stomach for this fashion champion to make a big impression.

**Old and vibrant Christmas sweater goes well with these jeans.

**Multicolored long sleeve shirt that you knitted yourself also complements these jeans very very well.

SNL said it best. “For this Mother’s Day, don’t give Mom that bottle of perfume. Give her something that says, ‘I’m not a woman anymore…I’m a mom!’ ”  That’s right, get her mom jeans.

 

3. V-necks

Deep V-Neck

**STOP**  Be careful when choosing to wear this glorious summer fashion attire.  You must ask yourself a couple questions before going out in public wearing one these.

The first question is, “Is it low enough?”  If it isn’t down to your belly button, don’t bother wearing one.  Chicks love chest hair ending with a belly button all in a shape of a V going down a man’s body.  The second question you must ask yourself is, “Can I get into this shirt by jumping into the air like a newly born gazelle?”  If you can’t, don’t bother wearing this shirt.

This shirt is reserved for the super cool, hip, trendy, and in-style people.  If you can’t do the two questions above successfully then you are not that guy.

 

4.  Shoulder Pads

Shoulder Pads 80's fashion

Some some people say this was one of if not the worst fashion trend of the 80’s.  I think that is nonsense.  These actually served a function and that was to protect your burly women shoulders from a possible attack from a bad guy.  They also serve to protect the shoulder when you need to do a running tackle to save a man or woman from getting hit by a car or train.  Many women in the 80’s did just that and became national heroes.

You know what wearing shoulder pads also means?  That you are a woman and you kick fucking ass!

 

5.  Flip Flops with Socks or ‘Smandals’

flip flop and socks or ninja

This is a very versatile combo much like that of hiking shoes.  You get the coolness factor of “Hey dude, I’m hip and from the beach” with the sandals but you also get the “I’m ready to put on any other shoes at any given moment for any given occasion.  I’m that resourceful.”  And last but not least, when you take the flip flops off, you can always look like that one-toed ninja you always wanted to be.

For example, socks with flip flops gives you the cool breeze of the wind yet without showing your mangled feet whose nails haven’t been cut in months.  Take the sandals off and you can put on a pair of running shoes and stop that thief you just saw stealing grandma’s purse.

*Again, these go very well with jean shorts.

 

There you have it.  I hope these five but very effective summer fashion tips were helpful for you.  I hope to see you out in the sun in some jean shorts, a kick ass vneck with shoulder pads, and some flip flops with socks.


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Cody Marthaller

I'm biologically human. Full-Time Superhero. Part-Time Human.