Tag Archives: question

FMO Helps Gary Johnson Answer The Question: What Is A Leppo?

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What is a Leppo? No, I'm not kidding! What is a Leppo?

What is a Leppo? No, I’m not kidding! What is a Leppo?

Aleppo, Syria – In an effort to help presidential candidate Gary Johnson confidently answer the question: “What is a Leppo?“, the FM Observer has done some quick yet thorough research into this impotent matter.

Here are our Top Ten answers to the syrious question: “What is a Leppo?“

10. A Leppo is a person who has been banished to living on a remote island because they have a horribly contagious skin disease.
9. A Leppo is a deadly little frog found only in the Amazon region that sometimes sneaks into boxes being sent to Amazon Prime customers.
8. A Leppo is a voting member of the group called the Lutheran Evangelical Pastors Presidential Outreach.
7. A Leppo is a colorful children’s building block used to make structures that are then blown up with fun, small, and harmless improvised explosive devices.
6. A Leppo is a false police report usually by Olympic athletes used to distract police from an embarrassing incident involving alcohol.
5. A Leppo is a slang term in some South American countries which refers to a Platonic sex act.
4. A Leppo is an Australian pouched marsupial animal that hides nuts and fruits from other members of its own family when holding a grudge.
3. A Leppo is a nasty gremlin that likes to sabotage third party presidential candidates.
2. A Leppo is commonly the first sign or manifestation that you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
1. A Leppo is an accidental cross between a leopard and a hippo which unfortunately is currently viewable at the Cleveland Zoo.

Top 10 Responses To FMO’s Man-On-The-Street Question: What If The Unthinkable Happens?

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FMO's Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

FMO’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what U think!

Fargo, ND – Our main man, Peter Quisling, is back out on the unswept sidewalks of the infamous Downtown Fargo, asking random people his most interesting Question-of-the-Day: What if the unthinkable happens?

After gathering hundreds of answers, Peter has compiled his Top Ten List of responses to the question:

What if…the Unthinkable happens?!

10. I would rather not think about it.

9. Excuse me, but do we know each other?

8. If Trump got elected, I’d move back to Cuba.

7. This is why I always keep extra Xanax on hand.

6. Honestly, I would probably go get an abortion.

5. Is this some sort of joke? Where’s the camera?

4. My family and I would most likely move to Vergas.

3. Isn’t this why we all have insurance coverage?!

2. I still think Hillary could be president from prison.

1. My answer is two simple words: Panic Room.

Dr. Finance Explains Negative Interest

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Dr. Finance knows money. That’s why his latest book is called ‘Know Money’.

Green Bank, NJ – Dr. Finance is back by popular demand to answer another money question from one of our smarter readers.

Ms. Evette Ragsdale from Square Butte, Montana asks: Dear Dr. Finance, On a local radio talk-show, a financial expert mentioned the term “Negative Interest”. Could you please explain what this means? Thanks, Evette

Dr. Finance: Thank you, Evette, for that interesting question.

1. The term “Negative Interest” was first coined when scientists in the lab noticed that positive ions were only interested in attracting negative ions to be their life-long spousemates.

2. Later, movie-maker Woody Allen made the term a household phrase in one of his earlier movies when he was not invited up to a woman’s apartment at the end of their first date, because she had “Negative Interest” in pursuing a relationship with him because of his quirkiness.

3. More recently however, that same phrase is being applied by large banks which used to happily help a youngster open a savings account with the coins in their piggy bank. Since it’s usually such a small amount of money, the banks have “Negative Interest” in helping smaller investors because they would rather spend their time helping rich people like Rachel Maddow, who makes seven million dollars a year.

If you have a money question for Dr. Finance, please mail it in a green envelope along with at least $100 cash (for shipping and handling) to the FM Observer, attention Dr. Finance.

Dr. Finance: What To Do With Too Much Money

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Never fear, Dr. Finance is here!

Money Creek, Illinois – Dr. Finance is back with another excellent reader-submitted question:

Dear Dr. Finance: My husband and I feel like we have way too much money.

What should we do to make us feel better about ourselves?

Sincerely, Mimi Gladstone

Dear Mimi, from Money Creek:

Thank you for your great question.

This is one I get a lot because of our robust economy.

Mimi, here are 20 recommendations for you and your husband if you feel you have too much money:

1. When dining out, increase your tippage (for example: on a meal that costs $50, tip $500).
2. Get 1,000 Randy Moss autographs at $84 per autograph.
3. Pay all your local TV weather forecasters to wear bright green clothing during their weather reports.
4. Start your very own NASCAR team.
5. Announce free drinks all night at a biker bar and secretly videotape the whole thing for YouTube.
6. Get addicted to eating White Truffles.
7. Buy and give a Pembroke Welsh Corgi to every person who lives near people you don’t like.
8. Sponsor nation-wide treasure hunts and give clues during paid infomercials.
9. Build your own Space Station as a nice little get-away.
10. Join multiple churches just before they begin their annual Stewardship Drives.
11. Invest in Amtrak or the United States Postal Service.
12. Call the IRS and tell them the income on your last 3 years of tax filings was grossly undereported.
13. Declare your candidancy for President of the United States and run an aggressive campaign.
14. Start your own bank and provide high-risk loans.
15. Help pay off part of the US National Debt which is over $18 Trillion.
16. Consider becoming part owner of the Dallas Cowboys.
17. Over your town, do a helicopter fly-over drop of $100 bills every weekend, like The Joker did in Batman.
18. Go shopping at your local mall and ask the Mall Manager how much for the whole place.
19. Hire Beyoncé to sing at your next birthday parties.
20. Put your money into a Living Trust and name me as the beneficiary.

Ask FMO: How To Keep Your Dog From Pissing On Your Christmas Tree

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I see. A tree. I pee.

I see. A tree. I pee.

Christmas Valley, OR – A reader asks: Dear FMO, We love our dog Bruno. We also love having a real Christmas tree inside our home. But we don’t love it when Bruno pees on our tree (and presents). Is there a way to prevent this? Thanks, Yuri Nator.

Thank you Yuri for your great question. We get this particular question a lot!

There are things you can try in order to prevent this such as: putting up a fence around the perimeter of the tree area, or providing alternative spots for Bruno to go like a fake indoor fire hydrant, or you could even implement the use of a shock collar.

But unfortunately there are just certain things that simply go against the basic laws of nature, such as: we cannot stop the flow of hot lava, the Minisoda Vikings will never win the Super Bowl, and Big Government will never choose to reduce its own size.

So, the short answer to your question is: NO. But please let us know if you figure out a solution to your problem so we can share it with all the rest of our millions of readers.