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Tomato Plant Bombs Causing Fear of Terrorist Activity

By on July 5, 2012

Fargo, ND – The recent string of tomato plant bombs in the downtown Fargo area has certain business patrons and residents on high alert. These tomato plant buckets have been popping up in random locations on sidewalks throughout downtown, much to the dismay of your typical god-fearing terrorist-hating American. What is the purpose of the tomato bucket, you ask? Well it’s just a free-for-all plant care initiative that you or I can participate in. You water the tomato plant if it looks dry & pluck a tomato off the vine to keep as a reward for your efforts. Simple. But, alas, fearmongers are having a difficult time accepting & understanding the unknown. Downtown resident Kenneth Noisewater shared his ridiculous concerns with the Observer:

“These plant bombs only LOOK harmless on the outside. Anybody could put an actual bomb inside the soil. This is NOT acceptable. Surely a deadly terrorist tool disguised as a friendly gimmick by a member of an elite group of war bandits.”

Mr. Noisewater went on to remind the Observer that you “don’t just leave baggage unattended at an airport” and that the same principal applies to the tomato plants. I tried to bring Mr. Noisewater closer to one of the plants to help alleviate his concern, but he backpedaled and accused me of being a “cold-blooded terrorist”. Sigh. Oh well….let’s not let one fearmonger ruin a perfectly good summer idea.

About Nick Hirchert


I am a satirical news columnist for the F-M Observer. Follow my daily musings and harass me on twitter here: @NickHirchert. Send an angry email to fmobserver@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

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