healthy stoner food

Ridiculously Healthy Foods To Eat While High

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No time for a short intro!  Let’s get to the food!

 

mcgangbang

Yea baby!

 

Combine a McDouble and McChicken together into one.  Feel those arteries clog.  Often called the McGangBang.

Insructions: Buy a McDouble burger.  Buy a McChicken burger.  Take them both out of the wrapper.  Insert McChicken into McDouble thus combining them into one burger.  Stuff mouth.

 

Combining three cereals into one.  For example: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Corn Pops, and Frosted Flakes.

Insructions: Pour 1/3 Cinnamon Toast Crunch into large bowl.  Pour 1/3 Corn Pops into bowl.  Pour 1/3 Frosted Flakes into bowl.  Put milk into bowl.  Stuff mouth.

 

Lunch meat concoction.

Instructions: Get lunch meat and your favorite block of cheese.  Cut slim slices of cheese and wrap around some lunch meat.  Put wrapped lunch meat inbetween two pieces and toast.  Throw on some hot sauce.  Stuff mouth.

 

Macaroni Cheese Dish

Instructions: Make a batch of Macaroni and Cheese.  Put finished Mac and Cheese into large bowl. Make a batch of chili and put some into bowl.  Cut up a hot dog or two and mix into bowl.  Add bacon bits into bowl.  Throw in a little hot sauce.  Stir.  Stuff mouth.

 

Pretzel sticks and bbq sauce

Instructions:  Get a big bag of pretzel sticks.  Pour bottle of favoritae bbq sauce into small or very large bowl.  Dip pretzels into favorite bbq sauce.  Stuff mouth.

 

Spaghetti Pizza

Instructions:  Take out left over pizza from fridge.  Take out left over spaghetti from fridge.  Put spaghetti on top of pizza.  Heat in microwave.  Or, you have the option to eat cold as well.  Stuff mouth.

 

Pancakes full of stuff.  How big is your plate?

Instructions: Make two full, thick, large, pancakes.  Put pancakes onto plate.  Add your favorite toppings such as m&m’s, cut up twix bar, cut up snickers bar. and top with a little syrup.  Stuff mouth.

 

Classic potato chip sandwich

Instructions:  Toast bread.  Spread a generous amount of peanut better on one or both pieces of bread.  Add a generous amount of potato chips inbetween bread.  Add anything else you like such as pickles, honey, a cookie?  Keep bag of chips to your side for easy access.  Stuff mouth.

 

Snickers

Instructions:  Eat one snickers bar.  Eat second snickers bar.  Eat third snickers bar.  Stuff mouth.  Wait…you already were.

 

Nacho Cheese Doritos and then add more cheese.  One of Bills Favorite.

Instructions: Spread a generous amount of Doritos out onto a large plate.  Sprinkle a generous amount of  your favorite shredded cheese (sharp cheddar) on top of Doritos.  Put into microwave for 15-20 seconds.  Stuff mouth.

 

Powdered Jelly Donuts.  Can’t eat just one.

Instructions: Go to your local donut shop and pick up a dozen powdered jelly donuts.  Stuff mouth.

 

All of these foods are 100% accepted and fully endorsed by Bill Burns.  Stay tuned for Part II.

New Multi-Bike Is What’s Hot This Summer

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The new must-have Multi-Bike!

The new must-have Multi-Bike!

Riderwood, Maryland – If you’ve been curiously wondering what the hot new trend is going to be for the Summer of 2013, your wait is over. It’s the Multi-Bike! (Click on picture to zoom in.)

Just as the FM Observer recently brought you what’s happening in fashion trends for the summer, the latest in cool gadgets and gizmos is now here for the official start of summer.

The inventor of the Multi-Bike is Mike Rust. Mike explains that his prototype stands almost 10 feet tall. He admits: “Not to honk my own bike horn, but it’s an extraordinarily designed 8-wheel drive bike which is great for looking over fences at the baseball parks and outdoor concert venues. Plus, it certainly helps out meeting women.”

Mike was thinking that since his bike has 8 wheels, the name should have been the OctoBike, but decided on Multi-Bike (start with an M- and ends with -ike, just like Mike).

You can purchase the simple 500-step process to make your own Multi-Bike directly from Mike. He says he’s the only Mike Rust in Riderwood, Maryland so the NSA shouldn’t have a problem tracking him down for you.

So, what are some people saying about Mike’s Multi-Bike?

Get this bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live. ~Mark Twain

This bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine. ~John Howard

Life is like riding this Multi-Bike. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. ~Albert Einstein

Every time I see an adult on a Multi-Bike, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.” ~H.G.Wells

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. ~Charles M. Schultz

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. ~Gloria Steinem

I’d rather ride two unicycles at the same time than one bicycle twice. ~Jarod Kintz

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong. ~Terry Pratchett

Verizon Wireless Sorry It Let Government See Your Useless Texts

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6461Washington, DC—Amidst reports and allegations regarding Verizon Wireless’s involvement in the much maligned PRISM scandal, the mobile network titan has finally offered a public apology to its cellular subscribers in response to its collaboration with the NSA:

 

Dearly beloved Verizon Customers,

Some of you may have heard about our recent involvement in the National Security Administration’s PRISM initiative. This initiative was truly a bummer to be involved in but hey, when Uncle Sam talks, you listen am I right? Anyway, a number of communication service companies were involved in this with none quite as sorry as we are. We apologize for giving the government access to your phone conversations, as detailed and private as they might have been. We apologize for letting the NSA read your inane and mundane texts, including but not limited to:

ROTFLMAO

WTF

smh

stfu

idk

OMG

😉

🙂

:/

brb

omw

thx

We want you to know that we did not give up your smiley-face emoticons and stupid abbreviations willingly—the NSA had to fight us for them. They had to ask us a number of times to let them see what your weekend plans were and when you thought you might be arriving to dinner, in addition to the multitude of pet names you call your significant other.

We want to remind you that we only submitted your repulsive sexts to Obama in the name of fighting terrorism. We deeply regret this unfortunate occurrence and we hope it never has to happen again.

Sincerest regards,

Verizon Wireless

—-

In an age where electronic data security and privacy rights are at their most vulnerable point, this apology certainly means something.

Math Class Replaced By Black Jack Studies

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Black Jack is way more fun that math!

Black Jack is way more fun than math!

Bismarck, ND – The North Dakota Education Association (NDEA) has decided to officially drop math from the state’s teaching curriculum. The teaching of boring, traditional math will be replaced by super-fun, instructional classes in the card game Black Jack.

Mr. Tom Collins, who heads up the Curriculum Committee, says that with all the calculators and smart phones present in today’s world, the teaching of math is obsolete and a complete waste of time. “Kids have long hated math class and all the tedious homework that goes with it. But, learning Black Jack is something everyone can get excited about!”

Black Jack will begin replacing math all across North Dakota starting in the Fall of 2013 in grades 6-12. Mr. Collins feels this move is further justified because lots of “hidden math” will still be apart of the new Blackjack studies.

Harley Marks, a long-time math teacher says kids will for sure be able to count to 21. Plus, in the new Black Jack Studies Curriculum, all the advanced trainings will be included, such as: Doubling Down, Card Splitting, Chasing After Lost Money, and Quitting When You’re Ahead. Harley says: “These are all real-life lessons that will benefit these kids for the rest of their lives.”

Some real Black Jack dealers will be brought in for Black Jack “tournaments” as well as having selected upper classmen doing some of the dealing. As a high school student who wanted to become a Black Jack dealer, Justin Minix says he’s very excited about dealing live Black Jack while in high school. “I’m really stoked about this, man” says Justin.

In some of the lower grades, kids will begin learning the basics of “card counting” while also being able to watch a plethora of movies involving gambling and Black Jack, such as: Rain Man, Casino, and 21.

Mr. Tom Collins of the NDEA says he knows certain parents might initially not like dropping math studies and replacing it with Black Jack, but he believes everyone will eventually find this to be a Win-Win scenario…unless you lose.

Tim Tebow Excited To Do Absolutely Nothing For New England

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"Go-Talk Scat-Right-X Media Darling on 3...ready??"

“Go-Talk Scat-Right-X Media Darling on 3…ready??”

Boston, MA—We were just sitting there enjoying a Tebow-free NFL offseason when suddenly the New England Patriots signed the Chosen One to a two-year contract. Damn it. Tim Tebow was plucked from relative obscurity by Bill Belichick and Co. for reasons that have yet to be determined, and nobody could be more excited by this news than Tim.

“I’m excited. The good lord giveth and the good lord taketh away, but this time he giveth to me hard.” Tebow said. Never before has a player meant so much more off the field than he does on it.

The Patriots coaching staff was more or less OK with adding the Could-be Kid to the fold. When asked about how he envisioned Tebow fitting into the gameplan, Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels made his intentions very unclear:

“We are happy about Tim’s attitude and his physical ability. Ever since draft day I’ve watched him develop into kind-of something but not really so we’re excited about that. Sort of. Bottom line is he’s a football player and under contract with our team, so you do the math.”

The team is expected to use Tebow extensively—just not in the way a team normally uses a football player. We anticipate seeing Tebow on camera a lot during the upcoming NFL season. He will be shown in the locker room, on the sideline and at the podium chatting it up with the media. It’s like Morgan Freeman always says, “You either get busy talkin’, or get busy dyin’.”

travis beck ndsu bison fargo

New Police Video. NDSU linebacker Travis Beck Had Dirty Hands.

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travis beck ndsu bison fargoFargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately.  He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.

Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident.  The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.

These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident.  The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.

Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation.  We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House.  Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.

Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field.  Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.

Fargo Man Says ‘I Digress’ Way Too Much

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"But I digress..."

“But I digress…”

Fargo, ND—An area man is suffering a firestorm of controversy after his alleged abuse of the phrase “I digress” during a one-sided conversation yesterday.

Ricky Roma, 29, is a known abuser of the phrase. He can’t seem to get his point across succinctly due to his tendency to ramble.

“Ricky says ‘I digress’ waaay too much”, exclaims his co-worker Adam. “It’s obvious he doesn’t even know what digress means…I think he just likes hearing himself say it.”

Adam went on to explain that he and his co-worker Josh thought that Ricky had gone completely overboard with his recent story, using the phrase a total of 39 times in five minutes.

“He kept saying it over and over again, with no clear objective. He would talk about how hot the sauce was on his pulled pork he had at Rib Fest and then say ‘I digress’ and keep right on talking about the sauce. Then he’d say it again! It was so infuriating. I almost called the police.”

When asked about his constant overuse of the word ‘digress’, Ricky had this to say:

“I digress.”