Tag Archives: college

Bernie Sanders Waves Good-Bye To Humanity As He Leaves To Become The First President Of Mars

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Mars will be in good hands with Bernie Sanders as the president of Mars!

Mars, Milky Way – Shortly after suspending his 2020 presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders waved to everyone on Earth as he boarded his plane for Mars.

“This is a bittersweet moment. Bitter because Joe Biden looks to be the Democrat nominee for president. Sweet because I look forward to being the first president of Mars,” said Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders as he climbed aboard his plane which was being prepared for the long flight to Mars.

Pundits opined that Mars might be a good testing ground for some of the Bernie Sanders plans and programs that the seemingly radical Senator wanted to implement here on Earth.

In his final good-bye to his supporters, Bernie said: “I bid you all farewell, and if you want Medicare For All, please come visit us on Mars, where healthcare shall be a human right, along with free college, and free everything, for that matter.”

For A Change, The Concordia College Christmas Concert Will Feature All Beatles Music This Year

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An all-Beatles Concordia College Christmas concert will be a refreshing change.

Moorhead, MN – In what’s considered to be a slight deviation from the norm, Concordia College will feature all Beatles music during this year’s annual Christmas Concert.

“Because the night that Jesus was born was so very special, we too decided to do something very special, namely, use all Beatles music for this year’s Concordia College Christmas Concert,” said Mr. Cardoso McChristian who ostensibly has nothing to do with the concert.

Yes, many old-timers who hate change will probably be somewhat surprised to hear that all of the traditional songs normally sung during the Concordia College Christmas Concert will be completely replaced by Beatles tunes, including:

⦿ Birthday
⦿ Lady Madonna
⦿ The Fool On The Hill
⦿ Norwegian Wood
⦿ Mother Nature’s Son
⦿ Let It Be
⦿ Across The Universe
⦿ Come Together
⦿ Because
⦿ We Can Work It Out
⦿ Got To Get You Into My Life
⦿ Hello Goodbye
⦿ Rocky Raccoon
⦿ With A Little Help From My Friends
⦿ Yesterday
⦿ The End

Incidentally, all the letters in Cardoso McChristian can be re-arranged into: Concordia Christmas!

It’s No Longer OK To Say OK

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OK is no longer politically correct.

Kinderhook, NY – Saying OK is no longer considered to be politically correct according to the PC Police.

Because “OK” was made popular back when Martin Van Buren was running for president under the nickname Old Kinderhook, “OK” has now been deemed to invoke negative historic cultural domination by white males.

The recent outbreak of signs at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN was an example of hate because the phrase It’s OK To Be White included “OK” which is a tip of the hat to white male power thanks to President Martin Van Buren, or Old Kinderhook.

PC Police suggest using “fine”, “all right”, or “kosher” in place of OK.

If the signs put up on the Concordia College campus had read: “It’s fine to be white”, or “It’s all right to be white”, or “Being white is kosher”, then those would have been OK.

Many College Students Admit To Living Off Of Costco Free Samples

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Come and get your free samples…each and every day, mmkay?

Fargo, ND – The FM Observer has learned from our last year’s annual survey that a large number of area college students who are often living on a rather tight budget regularly eat for free at the Costso store.

Franseska Thrice, who’s studying Animal Sciences at NDSU, admits that just by sauntering through Costco and sometimes Sam’s Club, enough calories can be ingested to support life on an on-going basis.

Enzo Jihoon, who is majoring in Cross-Cultural Interactions at Concordia College, is trying to save money to buy a new car, “so why the hell should I pay money to eat, when I can eat for free at Costco, and thereby greatly increase my chances of purchasing that car I’ve been eyeing for months?”

Costco is currently reviewing its long-standing policy of offering free samples to its customers.

“We might have to start charging for our ‘free’ samples if we see an increasing trend of abuse by the college agers,” says an interactive company spokesbot.

New Meta-University Soon To Open In FM Area!

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FMO’s new Meta-University where really smart people think about thinking and learn about learning.

West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer will soon be opening the nation’s first Meta-University for Advanced Meta-Cognitional Studies.

School Meta-President Andvork Herzlinger metacognates: “While other lesser institutes of higher learning like NDSU sometimes cause people to think and learn, FMO’s Advanced MetaSchool will have its students continuously thinking about thinking and constantly learning about learning.”

First year students will learn about learning about basic ways to metacognate and the general concepts of the Metacognitive Process in today’s world of challenges.

Second year students will add knowledge about adding knowledge about advanced study skills and monitoring their own Meta-Thoughts without the use of a smartphone.

Third year students will delve into delving into Meta-Memory capabilities and how to quickly store Mnemonic Strategies into their own metabrain compartments.

Fourth year students will build on what they’ve already been building on by being able to do full-scale self analysis testing and correctly identify Cognitive Distortions which can cause faulty thinkings.

Fifth year students will learn about Organizational Metacognition and how to apply Advanced Cognitive Restructuring applications without having to join cults such as Scientology.

If you feel you have what it takes to join our Hypercognitive Staff of instructional meta-mentors, please self-interview your self and forward your meta-results to Meta-President Andvork Herzlinger who will personally contact you about your personal meta-requirements such as salary, furniture, equipment, and food items of your choice in our over-stocked meta-refrigerational nutrition pantry.

travis beck ndsu bison fargo

New Police Video. NDSU linebacker Travis Beck Had Dirty Hands.

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travis beck ndsu bison fargoFargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately.  He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.

Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident.  The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.

These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident.  The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.

Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation.  We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House.  Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.

Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field.  Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.