Tag Archives: global cooling

Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome

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This will be how Glyndon, MN will soon look if Jesper Søndergaard has anything to say about it.

Glyndon, MN – The quaint town of Glyndon which is often merely thought of as a suburb of Dilworth will possibly soon be covered with a good-sized clear plastic dome thus making it one of the largest greenhouses in the world.

This most interesting idea is the brainchild of Jesper Søndergaard, a Glyndon resident, who has real experience with this type of concept as he has actually done it in the South Swedish highlands (Sydsvenska höglandet) of his home country of Sweden.

Jesper såger: “Yah, I think after Glyndon gets used to being covered by a dome like we did over in Sweden there, people hier will really start to see the benefits of it. Climate change will basically be totally negated, not to mention no more blizzards, even tho I just did.”

In Swedish, the word for a dome is en kupol. To cover something is omslag, and stad is obviously their word for town. So, putting it all together now: Jesper Søndergaard would like to omslag the stad of Glyndon with en kupol!

There will be an informational townhall meeting on this impotent subject where citizens of the quaint town of Glyndon can learn more and ask questions.

Mr. Søndergaard wants folks to know that “Det finns något sådant som en kupol fråga”, which roughly translates into: “There’s no such thing as a dome question!”

Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter

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Grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.

West Fargo, ND – We asked all of our FMO team members to brainstorm various ways to stay warm during the dead of winter here near Fargo, North Dakota.

We then slowly simmered the list of a hundred ideas down into this Top Ten List.

Please feel free to add to our list via comments or emails.

☺ Top Ten Ways To Stay Warm During The Winter In Fargo:

10. Only wear clothes that came out of the dryer within the last 10 minutes.
9. Ask to test out a hot tub at each of the various local dealerships.
8. Grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.
7. Turn your smallest bathroom into a sauna.
6. Roll up in a blanket and sip coffee.
5. Jumping Jacks in long underwear.
4. Invite your neighbors to huddle.
3. Rent the movie Hot Cocoa.
2. Microwave Hot Pockets.
1. Crank the heat!

Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River

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The USS Fargo

Fargo, ND – “Drastic times require drastic measures,” notes Marvin Nimmaster, president of the Red River Coast Guard Society as the City of Fargo has voted unanimously to purchase a Class-D All-Weather Icebreaker from the country of Iceland as Algore’s Global Cooling Initiative begins to pick up some glacial momentum from the International Council of Temperature Mitigation efforts to manage Earth’s water’s changing modal properties.

The USS Fargo along with its highly trained crew of 75 will work tirelessly to keep the Red River of the North ice-free from Wahpeton to Winnipeg as concerned climatologists foresee many major ice storms which threaten to shut down the transportational aspect of our economy leaving only the Red River as the last viable means to thorough-fare goods and people to differing latitudes.

Marvin Nimmaster on the reality of Global Cooling: “The imminent threat of the Earth icing up like a giant snow cone is no longer an arguable hoax that can be joked about by climatological comedians but rather is as real as the moose standing in the middle of the road as your vehicle is trying to slam on its brakes to avoid having the thousand pound beast land in your lap while you’re trying to get to grandma’s house to go sip some eggnog.”

Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend

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It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

It makes sense that a prolonged period of Global Cooling is proof positive of long term Global Warming.

International Falls, MN – After Global Warmers from all around the world met in Minnesota, they all agreed that slightly falsified data now conclusively shows that Global Cooling is part of Global Warming and that the only way to solve the overall problem is by raising taxes.

Climate Changologists meeting in International Falls, Minnesota agreed that near-term Global Cooling is strong evidence that long-term Global Warming is “getting worser”.

Luckily, Algore’s carbon footprint tax plan is starting to be implemented which could not only save Planet Earth just in time but also win Algore at least one Nobel Peace Prize.

Climatological Mediators will also be doing some large-group counselling sessions with the Global Warming group and the Global Cooling group to see if a nice moderate temperature can be agreed upon by mixing the two.

The FM Observer is proud to have facilitated discussions about this important subject going back to the onset of the common bathroom blow dryer which was later shown to cause the melting of the polar stocking caps just as we had foreseen it in our laboratories.

Here are just a few of the articles the FM Observer has done about this timely subject:
Warmer Winters Maby Not All Bad
Springtime Global Warming Surprises Everyone
Robins Concur With Global Warming
Algore’s Warming Volcanic Activity
Brazil’s Sick Sugarloaf
How To Combat Global Cooling With Bonfires
Warming Causing Rising Oceans
Global Drying
The VooDoo Solution
What To Do With Climate Change Deniers
Go Green With Green Shoes

All Climate Change Deniers To Be ‘Rounded Up’ And Sent To Work Camps

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Welcome to Carbon Footprint Global Warming Work Camp

Welcome to Global Warming Work Camp!

Marfa, TX – Ever since the threat of carbon emissions was deemed to be the #1 threat to our country’s safety, Big Government is wasting no time in dealing with deniers of Climate Change.

All who have publicly (or privately) denied Global Warming, or Climate Change in general, will be forcibly gathered by the U.S. Marshals Service and transported (free-of-charge) to one of many Federal detention facilities which have been thoughtfully set up in extremely remote parts of the country, such as Marfa, Texas.

At these “Denier Workcamps”, guests will be invited to self-tutorialize themselves on Climate Change facts and figures, perform various experiments on fracking and carbon dioxide pollution, make posters for upcoming Climate Change protests, and maby even help Algore collect unpaid carbon footprint taxes.

If you have ever overtly expressed doubt about Global Warming or Climate Change, expect a firm knock on your door by fully-armed U.S. Marshals sooner rather than later.

National Bonfire Month To Help Combat Global Cooling

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bonfire

Bonfire of the Vanities

Firestone, CO – This is National Bonfire Month designed to help fight against Global Cooling and the next Glacial Age.

With average global temperatures showing a general cooling trend instead of the much-hyped global warming {More Info}, bonfires seem to be the best and logical solution.

Anyone and everyone who is capable of legally hosting a safe bonfire is being encouraged to do so during the next months and years.

“If we all pitch in and help out by building bonfires, it could really help! Plus, who doesn’t enjoy sitting around a campfire visiting with your in-laws?” says Curby Feelers, National Bonfire Advocate.

Please check your local forecast first. Make sure the windcast for the next six hours in your area is for winds of 5 mph or less.

Also, if you live in a drought-stricken area, bonfires are obviously not advised. No one wants to piss off Smokey The Bear!

So, pick up the makings for s’mores, build a bonfire in the nearest bonfire pit, and help warm things up a bit and save Planet Earth. As Curby Feelers always says: “Think global. Act local.”