Tag Archives: hoarder

The Forty Mental Stages Experienced During Pandemic Isolation

Everyone goes through the same 40 psychological stages during extreme isolation.

Psychiko, Greece – As many of us are living through our first global pandemic, it might be helpful to be aware of the stages we’re likely to be going through during a long period of isolation.

Dr. Reta Naquin has listed in order the 40 mental stages that you are likely experiencing while self-quarantining in order to avoid getting and spreading the Corona Virus.

Dr. Naquin in her own words: “The 40 Stages Of Prolonged Extreme Isolation are listed here in the order they usually occur.”

“They are grouped into four phases. Try to find where you are in this progression to help see what lies ahead for you.”

PHASE ONE
1. anxiety 2. controlled laughter 3. fear of the unknown 4. on cloud nine 5. feeling invincible 6. depression 7. euphoria 8. feeling excited 9. germaphobia 10. grumpy attitude

PHASE TWO
11. talking to yourself 12. crying 13. diminished impulse control 14. general gloominess 15. wanting to exercise 16. loneliness 17. hoarding 18. loss of memory 19. trying to set goals 20. sullen

PHASE THREE
21. weight loss 22. irritability 23. wanting to unclutter 24. feeling stuck in purgatory 25. lack of focus 26. on top of the world 27. deep misery 28. near insanity 29. extreme confusion 30. major elation

PHASE FOUR
31. hallucinations 32. nightmares 33. overly long meditations 34. panic 35. unusual weight gain 36. violent shaking 37. uncontrolled laughter 38. wanting to exorcise 39. severe hoarding 40. total madness!

Interestingly, all the letters in Reta Naquin can be re-ordered to spell: Quarantine!

Moorhead Man Willing To Part With N95 Filtration Masks For $100 Each

One for $100 or a box of ten for only $999

Moorhead, MN – A Moorhead man who has stockpiled literally thousands of the much-demanded N95 facial masks is now selling them for $100 each.

Mark Rhoades says that as a favor to the community, he is graciously willing to part with his N95 masks for only $100 each or if you want to save a dollar, a box of ten masks is only $999.

When we asked Mr. Rhoades why he was doing this, he responded thusly:

“Because I’m a smart guy, I loaded up on these 3M masks for me and my family, and now that it seems I have way more than we could ever use, the community benefits from my proactive fore-thinking.”

Sadly, all of the letters in Mark Rhoades can be re-filtered into: Mask Hoarder!

National Coffee Shortage Causing Companies To Hoard The ‘Fuel Of Business’

Sip it while you can because coffee’s days are numbered, just as Algore predicted.

Coffee City, TX – Large and small businesses all across America have begun to hoard coffee in anticipation of a nation-wide shortage due to Global Warming due to Algore’s changing climate.

With coffee in short supply, the speed of business in America could slow to just a trickle.

Mr. Schaffer Gootee who heads up the Coffee Utilization Program (CUP) describes coffee as the fuel of business and without it, American business would come to a decaffinated halt.

Do you drink coffee at home? Do you have a six month supply hoarded in your pantry? This is what the experts are warning us to do if you like to wake to the smell of fresh-brewed coffee in the morning.

Ironically, all the letters in Schaffer Gootee can be re-arranged to spell: Coffee Shortage!

Moorhead Hoarder Finds Dead Husband Buried Under Tons Of Junk

I thought maby my husband had left me until I found him buried underneath some piles of things I wanted to hold on to for awhile.

Moorhead, MN – The Department of Health and Human Services is reporting that a woman who wishes to remain anonymous recently found her deceased husband under some of her belongings.

Agnes Elhart of 1313 Hoarder Drive in Moorhead now wonders “why would Clarence have been crawling around underneath my newspaper collection?”

Agnes further ponders: “Maby he was trying to hide from me after that one argument we had about what items to perhaps purge?”

A hoarder specialist working the case sadly wrote: “It is more likely that some of the mountainous pile of endless crap fell on the poor guy and ol’ Clarence was buried alive, until he wasn’t.”

Sign Up Now For Exciting Parade Of Hoarder Homes

Chance to see some unique homes filled to the ceiling with piles of crap.

Chance to see some unique homes filled to the ceiling with piles of crap.

Fargo, ND – With hoarding starting to become rather chic, Fargo is excited to announce its First Annual Parade Of Hoarder Homes.

Parade president Irv Sheik says: “We’re looking for some major hoarders who might want to be included in our First Annual Parade Of Hoarder Homes. It’s going to be a real fun event.”

Please call 1-800-HOARDER to sign up or to nominate a neighbor for the Parade Of Hoarder Homes.

Hoarder homes that are selected for the Parade Of Hoarder Homes will need to have adequate paths through all their piles of crap so that people can parade through each room and get their money’s worth of viewing before voting for the winner of the Best Hoarder Award with the Grand Prize being a $10,000 credit to the Home Shopping Network.