Tag Archives: long island ice tea

Dinosaur Dig In Fargo’s Island Park Drawing National Attention

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Island Park dino dig in search of the Fargosaurus.

Fargo, ND – If you would truly like to be apart of something historic, join the upcoming Dino Dig which will happen in Island Park.

After two local psychics indicated the presence of dinosaur bones in this area, a dino dig team has been planning their attack to search every cubic inch of Island Park going down 22 feet.

Besides finding and creating history, dino digs are also a great way to meet new friends who are covered in dirt.

Dig Team leaders have already decided that any dinosaur bones found in Island Park will be called the Fargosaurus.

Hawaiian Officials Warning People That Hot Lava Is Very Hot

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Don’t touch the hot lava to feel how hot it is.

Hawaii, HI – Governmental leaders are trying to remind residents and visitors on Hawaii’s Big Island that hot lava is nothing with which to play around.

“Even though it looks so mesmerizingly beautiful, please do not attempt to touch the hot lava or even go near it as it can sometimes bubble up and the spattered little drops could ruin your nice new Hawaiian shirt,” says Kiko Kimona, Hawaii’s top lavologist.

One angry vacationer visiting from Moorhead, Minnesota was considering filing a lawsuit because the lava was so hot that it completed melted her can of Beef Ravioli that she was trying to cook for her family (not to mention what it did to their rental car).

Sign Up To Join The FMO Birthday Club For Only $100

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For a mere $100, you will enjoy all the perks of being a proud member of the FMO Birthday Club.

West Fargo, ND – Are you a person who has a birthday and who likes to have fun? Have you been looking for a way to make perfunctory birthdays more functory?

May we suggest that you join the FM Observer Birthday Club by sending us all of your personal identifying information, along with $100 for shipping and handling.

From there, the possibilities are endless!

On or near your birthday, you may receive a personal call or visit from The Pope who might even give you a free rosary, and show you different cool things you can do with it!

We may do a satirically fake-news post about you on our website and unleash it to go viral in South Dakota!

You possibly could get any number of hot pizzas delivered to your current GPS location and/or multiple singing telegrams by entire robed church choirs!

Your name might be entered into a drawing to travel with us to Goosey Goosey Island for an endless bonfire weekend where you may be taught our secret double handshake and possibly be given your very own emergency whistle.

By joining the FMO Birthday Club for only $100, you could maybe win a lifetime supply of some random items selected especially for you.

Finally, for any new and fully-paid members to the FMO Birthday Club, you will not only be invited to go to the Humane Society and select yourself a free puppy, but you will also get to name it and keep it for the rest of your lives!

Superman Trump Single-Handedly Saves Puerto Rico By Tossing Out Paper Towels

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President Trump tossing out rolls of paper towels with amazing accuracy just like basketballs.

Puerto Rico – Somewhere out on a small piece of land surrounded by big ocean water, President Trump supermanishly saved the ailing island of Puerto Rico by tossing out cylindrical rolls of much needed paper towels almost as if they were round basketballs being swished through the hoop of a Michael Jordan free throw.

Everyone present agreed that President Trump’s expertise with which he threw out the paper towels was amazing, indicating that he must have practiced it back in the Oval Office prior to leaving for the hurricane-ravaged U.S. territory.

One elderly Puerto Rican lady who got hit in the head with a roll of presidential paper towels just laughed it off and said she was just glad it wasn’t a heavy jug of much needed fresh drinking water which her family hasn’t had for a fortnight. She also joked in Spanish saying that instead of Trump Tower, she now has a Trump Towel!

Hawaii Votes To Add Another Island Named Zaui

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The newest Hawaiian island to be named Zaui.

The newest Hawaiian island to be named Zaui.

Honolulu, Hawaii – As if it didn’t already have enough beautiful paradise islands, the state of Hawaii has overwhelmingly voted to add another inhabitable island to its current list of seven.

The new island is going to be called Zaui and will include “the best of the best” from each of the other islands.

Hawaii’s governor God Kane describes the new Zaui like this:

“What we’ll be creating will be very special, and very eclectic. Visitors to Zaui will actually feel the eclectricty as soon as they walk up onto Zaui’s perfect beaches. All the flora and fauna will be hand selected to maximize the perfectness that Zaui will offer to its guests.”

Here then is an updated list of the main Hawaiian Islands along with their nicknames and a brief description:

1. Hawaii (Big Daddy): Hawaii is the largest Hawaiian island and still growing. It’s also home to Hot Lava National Park.

2. Maui (The Most Hawaiian Island): Up until Zaui, Maui was always everyone’s favorite.

3. Oahu (Capitol Island): The place to go jewelry shopping because of Pearl Harbor and Diamond Head.

4. Kauai (Todd Rundgren Island): The home of a musical genius who likes to bang on his drum all day.

5. Molokai (Leprosy Island): Not a real major hot spot but a good place to get away from it all.

6. Lanai (Porch Island): Where every resident’s home has an authentic Hawaiian veranda on which they can bang on their drum all day.

7. Niihau (The Native Island): It is strictly forbidden to go here unless you know the secret password, or are a direct descendant of God Kane.

8. Zaui (The Eclectic Island): This will be the most perfect island of all the Hawaiian Islands. To beat the rush, call your travel agent today to book a week or month. Make sure to mention that you want to go to Zaui, with a Z.

FMO Buys Gilligan’s Island For Our Readers

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FMObserver now owns Gilligan's Island!

FMObserver now owns Gilligan’s Island!

Pacific Ocean – The FMObserver is extremely proud to announce that after hours of negotiations in smoke-filled rooms, we have purchased Gilligan’s Island for an undisclosed number of bitcoins.

While travelling and observing all around the world as we often do, one conversation on a plane led to another meeting on a boat and finally to camping in hammocks on famous Gilligan’s Island.

The main reason we decided to buy Gilligan’s Island was for you, our respected readers, not to mention the tax benefits suggested to us by our accountant.

So, any time you find yourself in the general vicinity of the Pacific Ocean, feel free to take a three-hour tour to your island paradise but make sure to first check the weather forecast so you don’t get stranded there for years.

Long Island Ice Tea Party Seeking Their Presidential Candidate

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Wouldn’t the staff members of the Long Island Ice Tea Party Caucus be called the staphylocaucus?

Long Island, NY – Fed up with all the shinanigans going on in government and politix today, the Long Island Ice Tea Party is ready to make its move.

Pre-caucus meetings of the Long Island Ice Tea Party are being held in bars, pubs, and clubs all across what’s left of America.

Party leaders are determined to find a presidential candidate who represents not only the lollypop guild but also the non-lollypop hoi-polloi folks who still love the American Dream as much as they do a good strong Long Island Ice Tea.

Spokesman Ray Schnauzer slurred to his translator: “With just the right ingredients, our party’s candidate will bring to the Oval Office just the right blend of sweet and sour, while delivering the most bang for the buck, do you know what I’m saying?”

After having a few Long Island Ice Teas, if YOU feel that YOU have what it takes to be president, then simply stand up and say “I nominate myself!” at the next pre-caucus getogether of your local Long Island Ice Tea Party.