Battle Creek, MI – In the wake of the recent election, Kellogg’s plans to release a brand new product line specifically for the states of Colorado and Washington.
For the supporters of marijuana, it was a historic moment as the states of Washington and Colorado recently made it legal to smoke pot recreationally. Gov. John Hickenlooper of Colorado cautioned voters on Tuesday night: “Don’t break out the Cheetos or the Goldfish too quickly.” Why would he say such a thing? That’s because he has your best interest at heart and knows there may be better food to choose from when you get the munchies.
Kellogg’s recently announced that they are to release an entirely new product line specifically for the states of Washington and Colorado. When asked if it has anything to do with marijuana now being legal, Kellogg’s spokesperson had this to say, “Marijuana has nothing to do with our new product line. We feel Washington and Colorado are the best test markets to release a new an improved product line. We want to make it very clear that our products such as pop tarts and cinnamon roll mini-wheats ARE NOT marketed toward marijuana users. We are against this terrible terrible drug and anyone who uses it. Again, our sweet tasting, sugary, FROSTED pop tarts are NOT stoner food nor will they ever be. They are a very healthy snack for anyone. Some of the new products in our line such as Frosted Cheese Dorito Flakes are for the children. We care about providing healthy food to the young and old people of America. Marijuana is the devil!”
An internal product line was leaked and we have some of the new products Kellogg’s plans to release right here!
Cheese Dorito Flakes W/Extra Cheese
Mile High Frosted Pies
Gan Ja Multi-Grain Chocolate Monster Cereal/Lunch/Dinner Bar
Little Bud(ies) Sticky Rice Krispies Bars
Mary Jane’s Smokey Nut Rolls
Giggle Toast (Peanut Butter and Dorito Sandwich – Gluten Free)
Malted Marley Wheat – It’s dank, mon! ®
Aunt Mary’s Wacky Blueberry French Toast Waffles (two scoops of icecream sandwiched between two large blueberry french toast waffles drizzled in a sweet raspberry sauce)
Ashy Kush Balls
Although disappointed that an internal employee would leak such information, Kellogg’s spokesperson would like to reiterate that these products are NOT marketed toward stoners and only just BY CHANCE had already chosen Washington and Colorado as the test markets before it was legalized.
Stay tuned as we release the second part of the product line just recently leaked as well.