“I know I can beat you and I will defeat you”, rhymes Ray Rice

Baltimore, Maryland – Short on cash since he was banned from football, Ray Rice has challenged any woman to fight him in a casino elevator.

The former Baltimore Ravens running back says he is not afraid to fight any woman in an elevator, just as Andy Kaufman bravely dared to fight any woman in the Professional Wrestling ring.

To help raise some needed money for the unemployed football player, these events will be shown live on a Pay-Per-View Channel via hidden elevator security cameras.

Interspersed throughout the broadcast, Ray Rice will be shown doing some taped cooking segments in which he will demonstrate 1. how to beat the crap out of eggs for the perfect omelette, 2. how to tenderize meat by pounding the hell out of it, and 3. how to whip cream real fast.