Tag Archives: free

Ask For Your ‘Free Beer’ During Free Beer Week!

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Since it's free, you might as well ask for it.

Since it’s free, you might as well ask for it.

Fargo, ND – All across the region, it is once again Free Beer Week!

This will be the Second Annual Free Beer Week since last year’s kickoff was so well received.

If you find yourself at one of the many participating bars or restaurants in the area, simply ask for your Free Beer during Free Beer Week!

Various ways of asking for your Free Beer:

“Yeah, I think I’ll take my Free Beer now. Thanks!”

“Since it’s Free Beer Week, I might as well participate.”

“Got any of those Free Beers left, partner?”

What some people are saying about Free Beer Week:

Sven Carlos verbalized: “I love Free Beer Week! More things should be free, like movie theater tickets.”

Saradoc Tunnelly retorted: “Someone once bought me a free lunch but there were strings attached.”

Eglantine Labingi declared: “Could we have Free Beer Week like maybe once a month?”

Olafia Zaragamba exclaimed: “Whoever thought of Free Beer Week should get an award.”

Baldur Hornblower uttered: “If you don’t want your free beer, could I perhaps have it?”

Free FMO Adult Ed Classes To Increase Your Vocabulary

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You will learn new words so you can impress your friends!

Learn new words so you can impress your co-workers and friends!

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer will soon be hosting another claborian self-improvement class at our intercamped West Fargo headquarters.

This zaptic vocabulary enrichment training is entitled “Impress Others With Lostic Words”.

Imagine answering a job interview question like this: Your company’s bluctive avation is urgibly ostile.

Or, while out on a first date you say: I love how your nesphisis is so speeblish in this tostive shiller!

You won’t want to miss this obtroctive free training taught by some of the most tholmic frunkers in the region.

Bring your ludger to thrumpet the elmody while meeting other farths who share your same scuvition for glegmatic fonkerness.

World’s Fastest Banjo Player Coming To Fargo To Do Free Banjo Workshops

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Banjo Joe is the hummingbird of banjo pickers.

Pickens, West Virginia – The undisputed fastest banjo player in the world is coming to Fargo, North Dakota!

Ol’ Joe Perkins has long been the fastest banjo player in the world.

Banjo Joe first became the world’s fastest banjo player when he was just 19 years old, and has held the title every year for the last seventy years.

He was once clocked picking his banjo at 138 mph.

Clarence “Picker” Chitlins once described Banjo Joe as “the hummingbird of banjo pickers!”

If you are a banjo player looking for some life-changing inspiration, or just want to be totally amazed, Ol’ Joe Perkins will be doing some free workshops at the new Death Valley Retirement Home in Fargo.

In Case You’re Not Sure, Take The FMO Sanity Test

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The crazy thing is is that if you are insane, you probably won’t know it, because you probably won’t know if you are insane, or not.

West Fargo, ND – During the lazy hazy crazy days of summer, we here at the FMObserver Headquarters decided to provide a much-needed free community service by rolling out the next installment of our scientifically designed Sanity Test.

It is scientifically designed to determine whether or not you are sane, or not.

If the test does in fact determine that you are not sane, do not panic. The test can be taken over and over until you somehow are determined to not be insane.

1. Simply answer each of the following carefully crafted questions honestly.
2. Email us all of your responses.
3. A real doctor on our staff will contact you and tell you if you’re sane or insane.

FMObserver Sanity Test:

A. Do you own your own straight jacket?
B. Do dogs bark at you for no apparent reason?
C. Do you experience road rage on a regular basis?
D. Do people look at you and think “What the fuck?”
E. Have you recently punched holes in any drywall?
F. After you speak, do others look totally confused?
G. Do you hear voices telling you to do “bad things”?
H. Did you believe that WE Fest 2014 had been cancelled?
I. Do you believe that WE Fest 2015 has not been cancelled?
J. Are there any restraining orders currently against you?
K. Do you often find yourself talking to people on the TV?
L. Do birds land on you while sitting outdoors or indoors?
M. Is Batman real and is he perched on your porch right now?
N. Has a panic attack ever turned into a full-blown meltdown?
O. Are you excluded from your family reunions and getogethers?
P. Do you wear an aluminum foil hat every time you leave home?
Q. Does it seems like Federal Agents are following you everywhere?
R. Do you often misplace the keys to your intergalactic party bus?
S. Do you solely listen to and sing along with County Western music?
T. Do you believe Donald Trump would make a good Commander-In-Chief?
U. Does uncontrollable laugher often turn into uncontrollable crying?
V. Do simple things (like time and money) no longer make sense to you?
W. Are you worried that at any moment you may be swallowed up by quicksand?
X. Are you currently stalking any people who would consider you a stranger?
Y. Have you travelled at a subsonic speed during the last hour of hypersleep?
Z. Have you prepared your surroundings for impending world domination from Moon Man?

Another FMO Adult Education Class: Computer Maintenance

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Computer Maintenance is as easy as 1-2-3!

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is proud to bring you another free on-line adult education class.

We here at the FM Observer believe learning should never stop.

As Fred Robertson always says: “Instruction ends in the school-room but education ends only with life.”

In this latest installment of our free on-going on-line classes, we turn our attention to: Computer Maintenance.

Everyone knows that the best person to teach such a class is any random 4th grader from the area.

Spencer Haskins, who is 10 years old, has put together some great tips and tricks to help you with your computer. Enjoy!

  • To speed up your random access memory swaps, remove the hardrive with a pliers and scrub it down with some steel wool pads that have been soaked in warm rubbing alcohol.
  • A common mistake most computer owners make is to not take their new computer completely apart when they first remove it from the box.
  • To protect your computer from unwanted viruses, wrap it in a towel and then in a combination of duck tape and aluminum foil which should keep out those nasty malwares.
  • If your computer is running as slow as a government worker, try pouring some espresso onto the main power drivebox.
  • To switch out your spambox, first calibrate your functional load capacitator which should be listed on the motherboard back safety panel.
  • If you sense your computer is developing a negative capacity backload, try reloading the spark magnets which are available at any Ace hardware store.
  • To check your switchload relay box, remove the amp pad and rewire it over to the torsion bar equalizers.
  • Try to not let your cookies touch your firewall as you may experience a burning smell not unlike your doorbellbox on Halloween eve.
  • To calculate your overall bandwidth, carefully measure the width of your band and then multiple by the band thickness (measured in nanometers).
  • To clean your keyboard, hold it upside down with both paws and begin hitting it onto the edge of your kitchen counter until all the keytops have become unattached.
  • If your modem is running slowly, it could just be cold, so simply grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.