Tag Archives: iceberg

Delaware Has Broken Off From The United States

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Yes, it’s true. Delaware has broken free from the United States mainland is now floating toward Antarctica.

Dover, Delaware – The entire state of Delaware has somehow broken off from the North American mainland just like an iceberg.

Delaware, along with everyone on it, is now adrift out in the cold Atlantic Ocean.

There are some fears that it could eventually collide (and collude) with a new large Antarctica iceberg which is also the size of Delaware and crawling with hungry polar bears that haven’t eaten for a month.

Possible reasons for Delaware breaking free from the United States include: 1. Climate Change, 2. Global Fracking, 3. Russian Hacking, and/or 4. Political Correctness Pressure to secede from the country before California does.

With Delaware now completely gonzo, the neighboring states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey are way more vulnerable to oceanic erosion and inland shark attacks.

Luckily, the United States still has a nice even number of 50 states because of the recent addition of financially struggling Puerto Rico.

Trump Administration Considering Travel Enforcement To New Arctic Iceberg

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Big is beautiful.

Washington, DC – Last week, in the thrall of a red-hot northern hemisphere summer, the shockingly brittle Larsen C Ice Shelf buckled under the pressure and shed a few trillion tons of unneeded weight. This signifies a huge win for climate change accepters like Al Gore. Climate change deniers remain mum.

The Trump administration is considering a travel enforcement to this new iceberg as compensation for the recent travel ban, a spokesman for a representative of an anonymous member of a Fake News source is said to have maybe repeated early Monday. It is not known who will be forced to travel to the new ‘berg or how they will get there, but do know that mandatory travel is possibly being maybe or not considered.

A brief roundup of things not quite as big as the broken ice shelf:

Bifton Dingwater. Doesn’t have much to say about the broken iceberg.

  • Donald Trump’s hands
  • The national debt
  • United States Tax Code
  • The Guinness World Record for biggest hamburger ever eaten
  • An Ice Breakers® sugar-free mint with cooling crystals

Locals are saying that this broken iceberg is definitely NOT a sign of things to come. They are saying it has nothing to do with climate change. “I don’t live in Antarctica. This is North Dakota. Quit bothering me with these weird questions,” says Antarctica resident Bifton Dingwater. 

The Observer is of the ilk that maybe NASA ought to freeze-weld that big berg back onto Antarctica before Al Gore blows a gasket.