Tag Archives: large

Baseball-Sized Mosquitoes Now Fargo’s Second Pandemic

Carry a baseball bat to “deal with” baseball-sized mosquitoes!

Fargo, North Dakota – Planning any outdoor activities? Better bring a baseball bat!

Experts agree that this summer’s rainy pattern has been ideal for the formation of a bumper crop of unusually large mosquitoes.

Our Dr. Goombi Quist admits that “some of the mosquitoes in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area are so large that they don’t fit into the mosquito collection traps used by Vector Control.”

While citronella candles are flying off the shelves in a minimal effort to deal with the needle-nosed menaces, so too are baseball bats.

Dr. Quist reminds folks to make sure you don’t accidentally hit grandma in the head when madly swinging a baseball bat to kill a killer mosquito.

Naturally, all of the letters in Goombi Quist can be re-arranged to spell: Big Mosquito!

32 Pound Squirrel Attacks Family Picnickers In Moorhead

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Large squirrels like these float into FM area on inverted plastic garbage can lids.

Moorhead, MN – A nice family out having a normal picnic in a well-known Moorhead park was negatively amazed when a 32-pound squirrel performed a hostile takeover of all their food.

An NDSU squirrelologist says: “Yes, we have been noticing a recent trend for the larger squirrels to float down the river into the Fargo-Moorhead area on inverted plastic garbage can lids. Once here, they seem to set up shop near a popular park, where they occasionally rob family picnics, as if they’re their personal convenience stores.”

Comments from the traumatized family:

Father: “I felt so violated and so utterly helpless while we’all just sat and watched this 32-pound squirrel rob us of all our foodstuffs.”

Mother: “The last time I was this scared was when I somehow got locked in a gas station bathroom in New Jersey!”

Tween: “That was one bad-ass squirrel! Because of this experience, I would someday like to become a squirrelologist.”

Tot: “Waah! Me want my cookies back!” :o(