Nothing lasts forever.
Hollywood, CA – The stars of America’s favorite game show are finally getting divorced.
Pat Sajak and Vanna White have decided to call it quits after thirty five good years of marriage.
The final phrase on the Wheel Of Fortune prior to them announcing their divorce was “irreconcilable differences”.
In their split-up, attorneys say Vanna will get the the cruises and most of the consonants, while Pat will get the cars, all the vowels and the letter “X”.
Vanna White will get to keep all 6,500 of the dresses she’s worn on the show, and hopefully neither will land on “Bankrupt” anytime soon.
Los Angeles, CA—FOX Broadcasting Company has officially declared it’s ready to compete for a share of the desperate female viewer demographic. Executives noted they have completed filming for a sensational new show titled, The Singleton.
In a press release this morning, FOX representatives indicated they’ve wrapped the first 5 seasons of their new Bachelor-themed reality dating program. Why did they secretly knock down five seasons at once, you might ask? Read for yourself:
“The Singleton – A scintillating new dating reality show is coming to FOX. The Singleton will feature a single male alongside 12 would-be mates vying for his love. But there’s a catch: Six of the contestants are women and the other six are—unbeknownst to the male—post-op transvestites! Who will our singleton pick? Will he pick a woman? Or will he pick a wo-MAN?! It’s The Mole meets The Bachelor, coming to FOX this fall! Check your local listings.”
The show’s narrative will provide the viewer with knowledge of who is who, so thankfully we won’t be left in the dark. How exciting! Finally a dating reality show worth watching; one in which the male could end up with a cleverly-disguised RuPaul. This show is poised to teach us a great deal about what personality means to overall sexual attraction.
Los Angeles, CA—The brain trust at FOX Broadcasting Company has been busy reworking their primetime television show lineup. A total of 28 nighttime sitcoms have met the chopping block in a space-clearing effort as more Two and a Half Men reruns make their way to syndication.
Among the canceled titles were these popular shows:
- Two Franks, One Amy and a Mortuary – This ill-advised “Two Guys, One Girl and a Pizza Place” spinoff was dead before it arrived (which could be why it was set in a mortuary).
- Chris, The Upwards-Walking Clydesdale – America just wasn’t ready for a rip-roaring sitcom about a talking horse who walked on his two hind legs 😐
- Realty Check – What do you get when you put cameras inside a realtor’s office, an office in which much of the staff is usually not present due to their busy off-site schedules? Evidently, you get a poorly-conceived ripoff of “The Office”.
- My Hair Friend – Take a journey through the life and times of Jared, a jovial-yet-psychotic man who hoarded all his haircut clippings, face shavings and manscapings to create with them a life-sized version of himself. Spoiler alert: The journey ends in the FOX tv show graveyard.
These gems didn’t hold their luster with FOX executives, who know how to cash in on syndicated reruns. Let’s hope cult classic My Hair Friend shows up on Netflix really, really soon.